for supper, and when they had supped, told the clerk to pay for them according to agreement.
"Oh, sir," said he, "where is your good witness?"
An Unanswerable Argument against Bigamy.
At one of the schools in Cornwall, the inspector asked the children if they could quote any text of Scripture which forbade a man having two wives. One of the children sagely quoted in reply, the text, "No man can serve two masters."
Preventing the Scapegrace from Sharing In the Will.
"Now, Mr Lawyer," said the dying man, "I want you to settle it in my will so that my son Joe won't get a shilling. He is a worthless fellow, and will spend his money in a week."
"Oh, that's all right," said the lawyer, politely, "I'll take care of that. I'll see that he doesn't get anything." And he didn't. Neither did anybody else.
How to Eat Pine-Apple.
The following story is told of a Conservative M.P., who, wishing to conciliate an old captain of a mine, a voter, sent him a splendid pine-apple from his hothouse.
"I hope you liked it," he said to the old man, when he met him a few days afterwards.
"Well, yes, thankee, pretty well. But I suppose we sort of people are not used to them fine things, and don't know how to eat 'em."
"How did you eat it then?" asked the M.P.
"Well," said the old man, "we boiled 'im."
"Boiled it?" sighed the M.P. in horror, thinking of his pine-apple.
"Yes, we boiled 'im with a leg of mutton."
Making the Most of the Situation.
A man was asked by another, with whom he was not on the best of terms, where he had taken up his abode.
"Oh," he replied, "I am living by the canal at present. I should be delighted if you would drop in some evening."
Making free with a Judge's Character and Office.
Some few years ago a culprit was tried in a mayor's court for an offence, and though he seemed undoubtedly guilty, his
