my Lord, God knoweth that I desired it greatly. But I am bound in the Spirit who protests to me that if I should do this He would set me down as guilty, and I am afraid of losing the labour which I have begun, and not I, but Christ the Lord who commanded me to come and be with them for the rest of my life, if it be pleasing to the Lord, and if He should shield me from every evil way so that I may not sin in His sight.
44. Now, I hope that I ought to accomplish this, but I trust myself not, as long as I am in the body of this death, for he is strong who strives daily to turn me away from the faith and from that chasteness of religion unfeigned, which it is my purpose to keep to the end of my life for Christ my Lord. But the flesh, the enemy, is ever drawing us to death, that is, to allurements which lead to misery. And I in part know wherein I have not led a perfect life as other believers have. But I confess to my Lord and I blush not in His sight, that I do not lie when I assert that from the time that I came to know Him, from my youth, the love of God and the fear of Him grew in me, and through the favour of the Lord I have kept the faith even until now.
45. Let whoever will laugh and jeer, I shall not hold my peace, nor hide the signs and wonders which were shewn to me by the Lord many years before they came lo pass, since he knoweth all things, even before the commencement of the world.
46. Hence I ought to give God thanks without ceasing, who often condoned my folly and negligence, and that not in one place alone, so that He be not grievously angry with me who am given Him as a helper, nor did I indeed speedily give consent according to what had been shewn me and as the Spirit suggested. And the Lord shewed me mercy thousands of thousands of times, for He saw in me that I was ready, but that
