surrounded me — those who judged of my position in the world — knew not what was passing within me, and yet they cried out, Oh, how envious is the lot of that man! how happy he must be!
But they did not see my dejection of mind; they did not know of the insupportable anguish of a heart weighed down by sin.
It was then, O my God, that I knew of the unutterable joy I felt when I found myself supported by Thy grace, and that I tasted of that peace which is now my inseparable companion.
The operations of grace in the conversion of a sinner are not always the same.
At one time it is a sharp and piercing ray, which, darting from the bosom of the Eternal Father, enlightens, strikes, humbles, and overcomes those upon whom it descends; at another time, it is a more subdued brightness, which has its progression and succession, which seems to battle for victory over the dark clouds which it wishes to disperse, and after a thousand attacks, succeeded by as many repulses, it remains for some time doubtful which shall carry off the palm.
Now, it is a powerful God who overthrows the cedars of Lebanon; then it is the God most patient, who wrestles with His servant Jacob, and holds him fast in order to make him enter the right path wherein He invites him.
It is thus, O my God! that You act as the instructor, the master of all hearts.
First proof of grace: To conquer a guilty and rebellious soul, which alone would prevent its conversion, God even makes use of its guilty passion. He seeks to excite it in those very places in which the sinner sought for pleasure and amusement. Saul in his fury runs to Damascus in order
