Fal. Men of all sorts take a pride to gird at
me: the brain of this foolish-compounded clay,
man, is not able to invent anything that tends 8
to laughter, more than I invent or is invented
on me: I am not only witty in myself, but the
cause that wit is in other men. I do here walk
before thee like a sow that hath overwhelmed all 12
her litter but one. If the prince put thee into
my service for any other reason than to set me
off, why then I have no judgment. Thou whore-
son mandrake, thou art fitter to be worn in my 16
cap than to wait at my heels. I was never
manned with an agate till now; but I will set
you neither in gold nor silver, but in vile apparel,
and send you back again to your master, for a 20
jewel; the juvenal, the prince your master, whose
chin is not yet fledged. I will sooner have a
beard grow in the palm of my hand than he shall
get one on his cheek; and yet he will not stick 24
to say, his face is a face-royal: God may finish it
when he will, it is not a hair amiss yet: he may
keep it still as a face-royal, for a barber shall
never earn sixpence out of it; and yet he'll 28
be crowing as if he had writ man ever since his
father was a bachelor. He may keep his own
grace, but he is almost out of mine, I can assure
him. What said Master Dombledon about the 32
satin for my short cloak and my slops?
Page. He said, sir, you should procure him
better assurance than Bardolph; he would not
6 gird: jeer
15 whoreson: a coarse term of endearment (as here) or of contempt (as in l. 30)
16 mandrake: a poisonous plant whose forked root was supposed to resemble the human form
18 manned with an agate; cf. n.
21 juvenal: used jocularly for 'youth'
25 face-royal; cf. n.
29 writ man: enrolled himself a man
33 slops: loose breeches
