THE
HISTORY of JOHN CHEAP,
FROM HIS OWN MOUTH.
By chance, at some certain time, doubtless against
my will I was born at Hottam, near Habertoy mill;
my father was a Scots Highlandman, and my mother
a Yorkshire wench, but honest, which caused me to
be of a mongral breed. I made myself a chapman
when very young, in great hopes of being very rich
when I became old, but fortune was fickle, and so
was I; for I had not been a chapman above twa
days, until I began to consider the dangers of deep ditches, midden-dubs, biting dogs, and bogles in
barns, bangster wives and weet sacks: and what
comfort is it, says I to myself, to lye in a cow’s oxter the length of a cold winter night, or to sit behind backs till the kail be cutted up, and I obliged
to lick the colley’s leavings.
My first journey was through old Killpatrick. All
the day long I got no meat nor money, until in the
evening, when I began to ask for lodging, then every
wife, to get me away, would either give me a cog
full of kail, or a piece of cake; well, says I to myself,
if this be the way, I shall begin to ask for lodging in
the morning, or any time when I am hungry; this
I continued, going from house to house, until my
belly was like to burst, and my pockets would hold
no more ; at last I came to a farmer’s house but
thinking it not time enough to prevail for lodging,
sat down upon a stone at the end of the house till
day light would go away out of the west, and as I
was going to get up to go into the house, out comes
the goodwife, as I supposed her to be, and sat down
at the one end of the stone, I being at the other, she
began to make her water with force, which I bore
very modestly till near the end, then she made the
