Page:Lessons In Search of Greatness.djvu/36

From Wikisource
Jump to navigation Jump to search
This page needs to be proofread.
34
Lessons in Search of Greatness;

the dock! I forfeit, all bail in my immaculate Court; hence, prisoners must be put into the dock.

Officer.—Which of them shall I put in the dock?

S. P., Esq.—McClure, Quids, Peirce, Stokley, Gibbons, and every one else, who voted against me, and belong to the political "rings." I'll have no rings outside of female society! [Officer drags a dozen or more into dock. To Prisoners.] That is the place for you! [Strikes desk with gavel.] I'll plaster your nests, for your attempts and conspiracies to deprive women from voting, you beasts! Mrs. Prosecuting Attorney, take the floor and smear these fellows over with all the dirt that they have thrown at you for centuries, and when you have done, I'll give the defence a minute to beslime and slander the prosecution, after which I'll charge this delicate jury to convict every son of an old fogy mother! Ahem! I have done for the present. [Aside.] I guess they understand where greatness lies by this time! [Haughtily.]

Mrs. P. A.—[A most disgustingly strong-minded Woman.] Your noble honor, [Judge bows profoundly.] and Ladies of the Jury, these usurpers [Pointing to Prisoners.] have all been found ring-leaders against the woman's cause, therefore I have had them indicted for high treason and woman slaughter.

S. P., Esq.—[Aside.] A great woman, and a just indictment. Ahem! Don't ever tell me again, at the risk of your life and freedom that women are inferior to men! Look at her? [Smiles.]

Mrs. P. A.—Firstly, Treason, because they have conspired against our rights as independent citizens and voters. Secondly, woman slaughter, because they have murdered our principles of freedom, equality and justice. Gentlemen of the Jury! Oh! damn the gentle-men; I mean, Gentlewomen of the Jury. [To Judge.] Your noble Honor, you see that our minds have been so enslaved all our lives by men, that we forget to use gentle woman's name, when addressing a jury of our peers!

S. P., Esq.—You are an angel, and if I were not congenitally a great man, I'd step down and proclaim you even my equals; but of course, the dignity of the bench, which is damn hard, [Points to it.] would be lowered by such an act; however, nevertheless, etceteras, etceteras, I swear by a stack of Bibles as high as Hamen. where I intend to hang these fellows, [Points to Prisoners.] that you are the greatest woman that ever breathed a contemptible father's breath! Go on, and let your oratorical tongue wag at these carrion monsters, who have sneered and jeered at every attempt gentle woman has ever made in her own behalf! Yes, give them a thousand fold more than they bargained for, and when you have done with them, I'll astonish the civil righters. [Strikes desk.] Silence in the Court. [Falls back exhausted.]

Mrs. P. A.—In conclusion, Gentlewomen of the Jury, you need not mind anything that the man-lawyer may say to you, but remember our old grudge and let us vent our feminine spleen on these cut-throats, as they have always done, before the Honorable Judge Simon Pure, Esq., rose to the dignity of dictator and