Page:Letters of Life.djvu/258

From Wikisource
Jump to navigation Jump to search
This page has been proofread, but needs to be validated.
246
LETTERS OF LIFE.

supplication to Him who alone giveth wisdom. I might have said with the Psalmist, "I wait on the Lord; my soul doth wait, and in His word is my hope."

Several circumstances conspired to lengthen this period of suspense. And then came the letter from my blessed father and mother, cordially consenting to the proposed change of condition, and adding that, after the first surprise had subsided, their minds felt relief at the thought that, when death should take them from me, my brotherless and sisterless heart might rest on such a protector as he was represented to be by our most faithful friends and benefactors.

During this probationary interval of somewhat more than three weeks, I had declined an interview. After the reception of the parental sanction, I find in my journal, with the date of January 27th, 1819, the following notice:

"I feel almost astonished as I write the words. I am no more mine own, but another's. Last evening I promised to do all in my power to advance the happiness of a man of the purest integrity, sensibility, and piety. I surely anticipate improvement from intercourse with his elegant and scientific mind, but cannot avoid shuddering at my unfitness to fill the station his generosity has designated."

But whither had fled that settled purpose of celibacy, which with almost the sanctity of a vow had so