believe that I shall live and that you will not go to Russia,
I should eagerly desire that you might be detained in Berlin.
But as I think that you always feel the need of doing difficult things, I would like, now that you are once started, that
you should make the tour of the world, — in order that it
might once be done ; and then, could there be repose in the
future ? Hardly would you return before you would start
for Montauban [where his father lived] ; and after that, other
projects; for you cannot endure rest unless it be to make
plans for travelling a thousand leagues. Yes, on my honour,
I think it was a great misfortune for me the day that I spent
one year ago at Moulin-Joli.[1] I was far indeed from needing to form a new attachment ; my life and my soul were so
filled that I was very far from desiring a new interest ; and
you, you had no need of this additional proof of what you
can inspire in an honourable and sensitive person. Oh ! it
is pitiful ! Are we free agents ? Can what is be otherwise ?
Were you not free to tell me that you would write to me
often ? As for me, I am not free to cease to desire it eagerly.
Having thus scolded you, I must add that you were very
kind to write to me on your arrival; I deserved it, — yes,
indeed I did.
Thursday, June 24, 1773.
Three times in one week ! It is too much, much too much, is it not ? But it is because I care for you enough to believe that I have made you uneasy. You must be feeling some impatience to know if I am still living. Well, yes ! I am condemned to live ; I am no longer at liberty to die ; I should do harm to one who desires to live for me. I have news of him to the 10th; it does not altogether reassure
- ↑ The house of the painter and litterateur, Watelet, on the banks of the Seine, where she met M. de Guibert for the first time. The gardens of this place were famous as among the first to be laid out in the English style. — Fk. Ed.
