Page:Love's trilogy.djvu/115

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JULIE'S DIARY
105

As we were leaving the theatre we ran against Erik. He was radiant about his friend's success, and said: 'Now, I hope you admit that there is something in him after all.' He told me also that he was going away again very soon. At present he has given up all idea of starting for himself. Poor Erik.

Emmy wanted me to come with her and have a cup of tea, but I dreaded too much her expansive criticism of the play and the acting, so I left her and took the tram for home. When I had gone a little way, I got out again. I was suddenly seized by an irresistible desire to see him again to-night, just to see him and tell him that I loved him more than ever. Of course it was absurd to think I should find him at home. I went to his door, it was closed. There were no lights in his flat. For half an hour I walked about outside his house, then I was bound to go home.

But on my return home, all my conceit disappeared. I sat in the tram and had great difficulty to prevent myself from bursting into tears, while thinking that he was perhaps with her on this evening, which ought to have been totally and wholly mine.

I wonder, did he think of me; was it one of my flowers he wore in his button-hole as a special greeting to me.

I will believe it. I will not think of all Emmy told me.

He cannot possibly have been with her to-night. Even if it is not as Emmy says, it seems to me, that