338 'GOD'S PEACE'
you could always find your mother and me to- gether.' But when she sees that her words make me sad, she adds with a smile, ' You dear, foolish man, don't think that I am going to die. I have never blessed life more than now.'
DECEMBER.
XXV T~* ACH time in my life when I had gained what I J I called happiness and I searched my own heart to see if happiness really dwelt there, I always found in some corner or other the weak spot, where the worm of doubt secretly worked behind its cover of roses. I knew then, that sooner or later, the moment would come when all my happiness would wither.
Doubt is easily kept alive, a restless glance, a reckless word will nourish it. You sit an evening with your beloved and you suddenly see coming into her eyes a strange thought or a strange memory. You question her and she answers with an absent-minded smile. It is all over in a moment. She forgets it and you forget it while you hold her in your arms. But when, in the lonely night, the picture of your beloved stands clear in your soul, you see her with eyes of cold deceit and with an ironical smile that stiffens your heart. What does it matter that she meets you the following day more lovingly than ever. You may imagine you are safe for a day, a week, or a month, but the worm has bitten its venom into your happiness. You are its prey.
