364 'GOD'S PEACE-
and clear : • Are you crying, because I am going to die ? ' she asked.
I knelt down on the floor and laid my head on her pillow. Many times she stroked me tenderly with her hand and said :
' You must not cry for my sake ; I am not un- happy. It is not so bad to die. Both your mother and mine are calling me. They smile lovingly to me, and show me that there is a place for me between them.'
A dark shadow crept into her eyes. She raised herself up in bed and cried out : ' My child, where is my child ? It is cruel of you to keep me waiting so long.'
Then she fell back again, and again her eyes were clear, but big tears rolled down her face. ' My dear love, lay your head close to mine,' she said, ' there is something I want to tell you before I die, and while I can see clearly.'
I did as she asked me, and she whispered: ' I am not afraid to die, but I think it so terribly sad that I have to leave you before I have borne you the child we dreamt of. Now it seems so little you have as a memory of me, so little you have to thank me for. I gave myself to you only for such a short time, and even not that altogether. No, no, don't interrupt me : do let me be allowed to say just what I feel. I reproach myself that I kept you waiting. I suppose I thought it was for you to ask me, but you must know that anything you could have asked me I would have done for
