376 'GOD'S PEACE'
whence I came, though not the same as before. I have nowj what I lacked before, a high and safe landmark for my voyage : Greta's Cross. My friends may receive me with pitiful shrugs of the shoulderSj my enemies perhaps with scornful smiles, but they will soon realise that there is neither reason for pity nor for scorn. The God's peace, which has touched my soul, is not the result of any conversion. The landmark my life has gained does not lead me in any new direction. I only follow now a straighter road with more resolution.
On your death-bed, Greta, you reproached your- self that you died a virgin in my arms. I never doubted your willing generosity. Virgin or wife you would have been the same, and I can dream of no greater joy than to have rested by your side — your bridegroom. But you, my virgin bride, have taught me the hitherto unknown joy of renuncia- tion. You have taught me the joy of being on the road to happiness, even if one never reaches the goal.
Again I set my mill moving. It must be so. It demands its rights from my youth and my talent, and I cannot help thinking that the mill wing, which killed you, deserves perhaps no condemna- tion. Perhaps, after all, it acted for the best when it unheedingly struck you down before the terrible hour had come when I, without wishing it, had again started my mill. The mill against whose wings you had sought rest. Indeed, Greta's Cross has taught me a lesson,
