me, I told you that I had been called by terrors from heaven and that I did not become a monk of my own free will and accord, still less to gain any gratification of the flesh, but that I was walled in by the terror and the agony of sudden death, and took a forced and necessary vow. Then you said,
- 'Let us hope it was not an illusion and a deception." That
word penetrated to the depths of my soul and stayed there, as if God had spoken by your lips, though I hardened my heart so far as I could, against you and your word. You said something else too. When in filial confidence I upbraided you for your wrath, you suddenly retorted with a reply so fitting and so much to the point that I have hardly ever in all my life heard any man say anything which struck me so forcibly and stuck to me so long. "Have you not also heard," you said, "that parents are to be obeyed?" But I was so sore of my own righteousness that in you I heard only a man, and boldly despised you; though in my heart I could not despise that word- See, now, whether you, too, were not unaware that the com- mands of God are to be put before all things. If you had known that I was then in your power, would you not have used your paternal authority to take me out of the cowl? On the other hand, if I had known it, I would never have attempted to become a monk without your knowledge and consent, even though I had had to die many deaths. For my vow was not worth a fig since by taking it I withdrew my- self from the authority and direction of the parent to whom I was subject by God's commandment ; nay, it was a wicked vow and proved that it was not of God, not only because it was a sin against your authority, but because it was not spon- taneous and voluntary. In short, it was taken in accordance with the doctrines of men and the superstition of hypocrites, which God has not commanded. But behold how much good God (whose mercies are without number and whose wisdom is without end) has made to come out of all these errors and sins! Would you not rather now have lost a hundred sons than not have seen this good ?
I think that from my childhood Satan must have foreseen in me some of his present sufferings, and has, therefore, raged
�� �
