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Police Sergeant.Your Honour, this is the man who murdered Barbara.
Judge.That man must hang. How did he manage it?
Police Sergeant.He cut her up into small bits, and pickled her.
Judge.That was very wrong of him. He must be hanged.
Lothario.Your Honour, I have not murdered Barbara. I have fed and clothed and looked after her. I have witnesses who will state that I am a good man, and not a murderer.
Judge.Man, you will be hanged. You aggravate your crime by conceit. It is unseemly in a person who is . . . charged with something, to consider himself a good man.
Lothario.But, your Honour, there are witnesses who will confirm it. And as I am charged with murder . . .
Judge.You must hang! You have cut Barbara into pieces, pickled her, and are self-satisfied . . . three capital offences. Who are you, my good woman?
“Good Woman.”I am Barbara.
Lothario.Thank God! You see, your Honour, that I have not murdered her.
Judge.H’m . . . yes . . . perhaps! But what about the pickling?
Barbara.No, your Honour, he has not pickled me. He has on the contrary been most kind to me. He is a noble man!
Lothario.You hear, your Honour, she says I am a good man.
Judge.H’m! . . . the third charge remains. Sergeant, take the accused away, he must hang. He is guilty of conceit. Recorder, quote in the premises the jurisprudence of Lessing’s patriarch.
Judge.That man must hang. How did he manage it?
Police Sergeant.He cut her up into small bits, and pickled her.
Judge.That was very wrong of him. He must be hanged.
Lothario.Your Honour, I have not murdered Barbara. I have fed and clothed and looked after her. I have witnesses who will state that I am a good man, and not a murderer.
Judge.Man, you will be hanged. You aggravate your crime by conceit. It is unseemly in a person who is . . . charged with something, to consider himself a good man.
Lothario.But, your Honour, there are witnesses who will confirm it. And as I am charged with murder . . .
Judge.You must hang! You have cut Barbara into pieces, pickled her, and are self-satisfied . . . three capital offences. Who are you, my good woman?
“Good Woman.”I am Barbara.
Lothario.Thank God! You see, your Honour, that I have not murdered her.
Judge.H’m . . . yes . . . perhaps! But what about the pickling?
Barbara.No, your Honour, he has not pickled me. He has on the contrary been most kind to me. He is a noble man!
Lothario.You hear, your Honour, she says I am a good man.
Judge.H’m! . . . the third charge remains. Sergeant, take the accused away, he must hang. He is guilty of conceit. Recorder, quote in the premises the jurisprudence of Lessing’s patriarch.
(Unpublished Drama)
xi
