prevailed with herself to go without me; but took particular care to see me safe home, where she consign'd me into the hands of an old trusty maid-servant who served in the shop, for we had not a male creature in the house.
As soon as she was gone, I told the maid I would go up and lie down on our lodger's bed, mine not being made, with a charge to her at the same time not to disturb me, as it was only rest I wanted. This injunction probably proved of eminent service to me. As soon as I was got into the bed-chamber, I unlaced my stays, and threw myself on the out-side of the bed cloaths in all the loosest undress. Here I gave myself up to the old insipid privy shifts of self-viewing, self-touching, self-enjoying, in fine to all the means of self-knowledge I could devise, in search of the pleasure that fled before me, and tantalized me with that unknown something that was out of my reach; thus all only served to enflame myself, and to provoke violently my desires, whilst the one
