MY SECRET LIFE
I can scarcely tell what followed exactly or how it came about, for even now to me it seems astonishing. I was but between eighteen and nineteen, and had not had the remotest idea of getting Mrs. Smith, though I longed for her lewedly when my cock stood. I was timid with women until I knew them well, I could never begin with our own servants until they had been in the house a few days; yet directly I heard this conversa- tion, a chance seemed in my way, and without mean- ing it I followed it up.
With but little idea of married life or habits, I saw that not only were they a Wretched couple, but that for months Smith had never touched his wife. I imagined then that married people were always doing it, that women were randier than men,—a common be- lief of young people. I thought: how she must want a poke! how she would enjoy it! Out I went to see if Mrs. Smith was about, and saw her walking 05 with a group of sympathizers, who dropped off grad- ually, until she was left with one, with whom she went into a public-house. In a few minutes they came out and parted. On she went alone, and went into an- other public-house, and then wiping her eyes as she came out, went her way alone; I after 'her, lewed and thinking to myself, “she has not had it for six months," and so on. She went into a public-house now by her- self. I waited till she came out, and saw she had been taking to many drops of comfort.
Without any definite intention as far as I can re- member, but simply for lewed gratification, I went up to, and addressed her. She recognized me and stood stock still. She had a small bottle of what I found afterwards to be gin in her hand, which she put into
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