408 DIARY OF JASON LEE
But he who seeth, not as man seeth had otherwise deter- mined. Thus far I had lived without hope and without God in the world, but now, the spirit, which I had so often grieved, again spoke to my conscience, and in language not to be mis- taken, warned me of my danger. I saw, I believed, I re- pented, I resolved to break of [f] all my sins by righteousness and my iniquities by turning unto the Lord ; and if I perished, I would perish at the feet of Jesus, pleading for mercy. I saw the fullness of the plan of salvation, cast away my unbelieving fears believed in, and gave myself to Christ and was ushered into the liberty of the Children of God. I was now, by my own consent, the property of another, and his glory and not my own gratification, must be the object of my pursuit. Years after years passed away ; which I spent successively in business, in study and in preaching, until I reached the age of 30, still retaining the same views in reference to marriage, and still, for conscience sake, remaining single, being fully persuaded that it was my duty so to do. Previous to this I had con- sented to cross the R. Mountains, to labour among the Indians of Oregon. This was considered an experiment, and by many, many, an extremely hazardous one, and it was rightly deemed impracticable for females to accompany pioneers on an expedi- tion shrouded in so much darkness and fraught with so many difficulties. I was fully aware, even if we succeeded in our enterprise that years must elapse before we could be reinforced by females, and therefore, resolved to make no engagemnts with any, previous to leaving the civilized world, which resolu- tion was most sacredly kept. After establishing upon the Willamete, I made the best shift I could without female assist- ance, and though I felt more sensibly than it is possible for a man to feel, in the enjoyment of civil society, that it is not good for a man to be alone, yet I did not murmur, or perplex myself about it ; believing that if God saw that it was for my good, and his glory, he would prepare the way for me to change my condition. In our first reinforcement in the summer of 1837 there were three single ladies, one of which was not en-
