things affected me only when they occurred with a married woman, and one relatively old.
2. Physically and mentally I am in all respects masculine. I have a superabundant growth of beard, and my whole body is very hairy. In my relations to the female sex that are not masochistic, the dominating position of the man is an indispensible condition, and any attempt to change it would meet with my energetic opposition. I am energetic, if not over-courageous; but the want of courage is not manifest when my pride is injured. I am not sensitive to events in nature (thunder-storms, storms at sea, etc.).[1]
Too, my masochistic tendencies have nothing feminine or effeminate about them (?). To be sure, in these the inclination to be sought and desired by the woman is dominant; but the general relation desired with her is not that in which a woman stands to a man, but that of the slave to the master, the domestic animal to its owner. If one regards the ultimate aim of masochism without prejudice, it must be acknowledged that its ideal is the position of a dog or horse. Both are owned by masters, and punished by them; and the masters are responsible to no one. Just this unlimited power of life and death, as exercised over slaves and domestic animals, is the end and aim of all masochistic ideas.
3. The foundation of all masochistic ideas is libido; and as this ebbs and flows, so do the masochistic fancies. On the other hand, as soon as the ideas are present, they greatly intensify the libido. I am by no means excessively sensual naturally. However, when the masochistic ideas occur, I am impelled to coitus at any cost (for the most part I am driven to the lowest women); and if these impulses are not soon obeyed, libido soon becomes almost satyriasis. One is almost justified in looking upon this as a circulus vitiosus.
Libido occurs either in the course of time, or as the result of especial excitement (also of a kind that is not masochistic,—e.g., kissing). In spite of its manner of origin, this libido, by virtue of the masochistic ideas it engenders, is soon transformed into a masochistic and impure libido.
Moreover, there is no doubt that external, accidental impressions, particularly loitering in the streets of a large city, greatly intensify the desire. The sight of beautiful and imposing female forms, in nature as well as in art, is exciting. For those subject to masochism,—at least during the attacks,—the whole external world becomes masochistic. The box on the ear administered by the teacher to the pupil and the crack of the driver’s whip make deep impressions on the masochist, while they leave him indifferent or annoy him when he is not in the masochistic state.
- ↑ This difference of courage in the face of events in nature, on the one hand, and in the face of personal conflict, on the other, is certainly remarkable (comp. Case 44), even though it is the only indication of effemination mentioned in this case.
