Z. says he has never masturbated. From his youth there have been nightly pollutions, in which girls play a part; but the sexual act, never. For example, he dreams that a pleasing woman lies heavily on him, or that, as he lies sleeping on the grass, she playfully walks up his back. Z. had always been averse to coitus with a woman. This act seemed animal to him. Nevertheless, he was drawn to women. It was only in the society of beautiful women and girls that he felt well and in his place. He was very gallant without being forward.
A voluptuous woman of beautiful form, and particularly with a pretty foot, when seated, had the power to throw him into intense excitement. He was impelled to offer himself as a chair, in order “to offer so much devotion.” A kick, a box on the ear from her, would be heaven to him. He had a horror at the thought of coitus with her. He felt the need to serve the woman. He thought how ladies liked to ride. He reveled in the thought of how fine it would be to be wearied by the burden of a beautiful woman, in order to give her pleasure. He painted the situation in all colors; thought of the beautiful foot armed with spurs, the beautiful legs, and the soft, full thighs. Every beautiful mature woman, every pretty female foot, always excited his imagination; but he never betrayed the peculiar feelings that seemed to him abnormal, and was able to control himself. But he felt no need to fight against them; on the contrary, it would have hurt him had he been compelled to give up the feelings that had become so dear to him.
At the age of thirty-two Z. happened to make the acquaintance of an attractive woman, aged twenty-seven, who had been separated from her husband, and whom he found in need. He took her, and worked for her, without any selfish motive, for months. One evening she impatiently demanded sexual satisfaction from him, and almost used violence. Coitus was successful. Z. took the woman, lived with her, and indulged in coitus moderately; but coitus was more a burden than a pleasure; erections became weak, and he could no longer satisfy the woman. She finally declared that she would not have intercourse with him, because he only excited without satisfying her. Though he loved the woman very much, he could not give up his peculiar fancies. After this he lived with her only in friendly relations, and deeply regretted that he could not serve her in the way she desired.
Fear of how she would receive his propositions, and a feeling of