the greenhouse or in a corner of the cellar lack something of divinity; while there is not a restaurant chef in the world who has not a long record of ruined mushrooms to his name. No sooner does a public cook get at a mushroom than it begins to deteriorate. When the chef comes in at the door the savour flies out of the window. It is a point of honour with him. When therefore I said that one can never have enough mushrooms I meant at home.
It is an injustice to the mushroom to eat it as an adjunct to other food; while there is one meat in alliance it renders unwholesome. The odd thing is that every one differs as to what this meat is; but my own hazy recollection says mutton. Still that prohibition is not for us, who know the only way in which mushrooms should be eaten: fried, with bread and butter, and the butter spread too thick.
It is rumoured that the freedom of Hunstanton is to be conferred on the Kaiser.
Corkey is the School Attendance Officer and a terror to every boy in the neighbourhood. He looks at the truant and says fiercely, "Where was you?" Then he wags a savage finger at him. "Yes, you was," he says, "you was, you know you was. I caught you in the hact." No boy has ever been known to withstand him.
Yet Corkey has a heart.
William Frederick Wright is our chief boy scout. In the first great days of the war, William was on duty at a railway bridge up the line. Local fame placed him somewhere between French and Kitchener. Sent to round up the truant, Corkey reported in glowing words, "Guarding his country."
A second week's absence produced the same report. Then business instinct began to war with patriotism in the breast of Corkey. During the third week he once more looked the culprit up.
His report was grim and terse. "Warned him," he wrote.
On the following Monday William sadly returned.
Ere our lesson to the Kaiser,
Self-anointed Lord of Earth,
Left that furious monarch wiser
Re our troops' intrinsic worth,
Frankly, I had thought you flighty,
Callous to very core;
Lovely—yes, like Aphrodite;
Nothing more.
Later, when you slaked your thirsting
For an apron, cuffs and cap,
Long before the war-cloud, bursting,
Made a mess of Europe's map,
Though your mind showed some improvement,
Lady, I conceived you had
Joined a purely social movement
For a fad.
Now the scales at length uplifted
From my eyes in you reveal,
Verily, a woman gifted
With the power to help and heal.
So I send, for shame, these verses
Where you brave the battle's brunt,
One of England's noble Nurses
At the front.
THE BULL-DOG BREED.
Officer. "Now, my lad, do you know what you are placed here for?"
Recruit. "To prevent the henemy from landin', Sir."
Officer. "And do you think that you could prevent him landing all by yourself?"
Recruit. "Don't know, Sir, I'm sure. But I'd have a dam good try!"
