Page:Punch Vol 148.djvu/147

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CHARIVARIA.

"Kultur belongs to my Germans alone," says the Kaiser. We were not aware that the charge had been brought against any other country.

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"The Indians," complains the Frankfurter Zeitung, "have an extraordinary way of fighting. They jump up, shoot with wonderful precision, and disappear before one has time to notice them properly." Our contemporary has evidently not been studying the pages of Punch, or it would know that the disappearance is worked by the well-known Indian trick of throwing a rope into the air and climbing up it.

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Letters from the British troops operating in Damaraland show that the prevailing complaint there is with respect to the heat; and a dear and very thoughtful old lady writes to suggest that, as our men in Flanders dislike the cold, it might be possible to arrange an exchange.

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With reference to the attentions paid by German aeroplanes, the other day, to the British provision establishments at Dunkirk, we understand that the bombs which were dropped made no impression whatever on our bully beef, so famous for its durability.

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The Norwich Liberals have selected as their candidate Lieutenant Hilton Young, and it has been decided that the election shall not be contested. It is realised that in time of war "Le monde appartient aux Jeunes."

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In his account of the dynamiting of the C.P.R. bridge over the St. Croix river, Reuter tells us that "A German officer who has been hanging around the neighbourhood for the past few days has been arrested." We have a shrewd idea that he may be hanging in the neighbourhood again very shortly.

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We are surprised that the advocates of Mr. Willett's Daylight Saving Bill have been so quiet lately. Surely it would be an enormous advante to rush this measure through now so that the Germans may have less darkness to take advantage of?

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Dr. Hans Richter, the celebrated Wagner conductor, who enjoyed English hospitality for so long, has now expressed the hope that Germany may punished England who has so profoundly disgraced herself. It is evon said that the amiable Doctor asked to be allowed to conduct a Parsifal airship to this country.

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Professor Kobert, of Rostock University, one of Germany's best-known chemists, is advocating a mixture of pig's blood and rye-meal as a most nutritious form of bread for his countrymen. There is, of course, already a certain amount of pig's blood in the composition of some Germans.

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Our newspapers really ought to be more careful. We feel quite sure that the following paragraph in The Daily Mail will be quoted in the German Press as showing the Londoner's fears of a Zeppelin visit: "The Golder's Green Training Corps yesterday morning mobilised eighty motor-cars and drove out to Harpenden to see how quickly the corps could get out of London in case of emergency."

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The Times has been discussing the question as to whether khaki is the best protective colour for soldiers. In this connection it is worth noting that the uniforms worn by the men of Kitchener's Army appear to render them almost completely invisible to the correpsondents of German newspapers in this country, who report that there is only a mere handful of these soldiers.

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By the way Colonel Maude pointed out recently in Land and Water that it is essential that our gunners should be able to watch our infantry closing on the enemy, and that in this respect khaki is a drawback. We now hear that the wide-awake Germans are taking the hint, and that their new uniforms will have scarlet backs, which will not only help their artillery, but will act as a powerful deterrent should their troops think of running away.

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Extract from a Book Merchant's Catalogue:—"I venture to assert no more acceptable gift could be sent to our Heroes on Active Service than a few cwts. of Literature. A book is the best of all companions and always useful, for one in the breast pocket has been the means of saving many a man's life in action." A Society for supplying every recruit with a complete set of The Encyclopædia Britannica is now, we believe, in process of formation.

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A book which is stated to have been "kept back on account of the war" is entitled Hell's Playground. One would have thought it would have been peculiarly à propos.

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A live frog has been discovered embedded in a piece of coal hewn from a colliery in the Forest of Dean. It is thought that the colliery owners, by means of a series of bonuses like this, intend to make their coal look almost worth the price that is now being charged for it.

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Frankly we were not surprised to hear that the moon was full a little while ago. In these times our own planet is certainly not a very desirable place.

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It is now stated that Herr Liebknecht, the Socialist leader, who was called to the colours a few days ago, has been relieved of service in the Landwehr. This is most annoying as it throws out all the carefully calculated figures of our experts as to the number of men Germany is putting into the field.

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Even the Censor nods occasionally. The Tailor and Cutter has been allowed to state that a Holborn tailor is making a uniform for a sergeant in Kitchener's Army who stands 6 ft. 8 ins. high. The fact that we have a man of these dimensions in reserve was, we understand, to have been one of our surprises for Germany..

 

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Small Military Enthusiast. "Auntie, do you mind if I make the Germans win just one battle now and then? They're getting worn out.

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