Page:Punch vol 1.djvu/141

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ROEBUCK DEFYING THE "THUNDERER."

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Roebuck was seated in his great arm chair,
Looking as senatorial and wise
As a calf's head, when taken in surprise;
A half-munched muffin did his fingers bear—
An empty egg-shell proved his meal nigh o'er.
When, lo! there came a tapping at the door:
"Come in!" he cried,
And in another minute by his side
Stood John the footboy, with the morning paper,
Wet from the press. O'er Roebuck's cheek
There passed a momentary gleam of joy,
Which spoke, as plainly as a smile could speak,
"Your master's speech is in that paper, boy."
He waved his hand—the footboy left the room—
Roebuck pour'd out a cup of Hyson bloom;
And, having sipp'd the tea and sniff'd the vapour,
Spread out the "Thunderer" before his eyes—
When, to his great surprise,
He saw imprinted there, in black and white,
That he, the Roe-buck—he, whom all men knew,
Had been expressly born to set worlds right—
That he was nothing but a parvenu,
Jove! was it possible they lack'd the knowledge he
Boa'sted a literary and scientific genealogy!
That he had had some ancestors before him—
(Beside the Pa who wed the Ma who bore him)—
Men whom the world had slighted, it is true,
Because it never knew
The greatness of the genius which had lain,
Like unwrought ore, within each vasty brain;
And as a prejudice exists that those
Who never do disclose
The knowledge that they boast of, seldom have any,
Each of his learned ancestors had died,
By an ungrateful world belied,
And dubb'd a Zany.
That he should be
Denied a pedigree!
Appeared so monstrous in this land of freedom,
He instantly conceived the notion
To go down to the House and make a motion,
That all men had a right to those who breed 'em.

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Behold him in his seat, his face carnation,
Just like an ace of hearts,
Hot red and white in parts,
But one complete illumination.
He rises—members blow their noses,
And cough and hem! till one supposes,
A general catarrh prevails from want of ventilation.
He speaks:—
Mr. Speaker, Sir, in me you see
A member of this house (hear, hear),
With whose proud pedigree
The "Thunderer" has dared to interfere.
How I implore,
That Lawson may be brought upon the floor,
And beg my pardon on his bended knees,
In whatsoever terms I please.
(Oh! oh!)
(No! no!)
I, too, propose,
To pull his nose:
No matter if the law objects or not;
And if the printer's nose cannot be got,
The small proboscis of the printer's devil
Shall serve my turn for language so uncivil!
The "Thunderer" I defy,
And its vile lie.
(As Ajax did the lightning flash of yore.)
I likewise move this House requires—
No, that's too complimentary—desires,
That Mr. Lawson's brought upon the floor.
The thing was done;
The house divided, and the Ayes were—one!

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EXPRESS FROM WINDSOR.

Last evening a most diabolical, and, it is to be regretted successful, attempt, was made to kiss the Princess Royal. It appears that the Royal Babe was taking an airing in the park, reclining in the arms of her principal nurse, and accompanied by several ladies of the court, who were amusing the noble infant by playing rattles, when a man of ferocious appearance emerged from behind some trees, walked deliberately up to the noble group, placed his hands on the nurse, and bent his head over the Princess. The Honourable Miss Stanley, guessing the ruffian's intention, earnestly implored him to kiss her instead, in which request she was backed by all the ladies present.^[1] He was not, however, to be frustrated in the attempt, which no sooner bad he accomplished, than he hurried off amidst the suppressed screams of the ladies. The Royal Infant was immediately carried to the palace, where her heart-rending cries attracted the attention of her Majesty, who, on hurrying to the child, and hearing the painful narration, would, in the burst of her maternal affection, have kissed the infant, had not Sir J. Clarke, who was fortunately present, prevented her so doing.

Dr. Locock was sent for from town, who, immediately on his arrival at Windsor, held a conference with Sir J. Clarke, and a basin of pap was prepared by them, which being administered to the Royal Infant, produced the most satisfactory results.

We are prohibited from stating the measures taken for the detection of the ruffian, lest their disclosure should frustrate the ends of justice.

1. This circumstance alone must at once convince every unprejudiced person of the utter falsity of the reports (promulgated hy certain interested parties) of the disloyalty of the Tory ladies, when we see several dames placed in the most imminent danger, yet possessing sufficient presence of mind to offer lip-service to their sovereign.—Editor Morn. Post.

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A ROYAL DUCK.

His Royal Highness Prince Albert, during the sojourn of the Court at Windsor Castle, became, by constant practice in the Thames, so expert a swimmer, that, with the help of a cork jacket, he could, like Jones of the celebrated firm of "Brown, Jones, and Robinson," swim "anywhere over the river." Her Majesty, however, with true conjugal regard for the safety of the royal duck, never permitted him to venture into the water without

A COMPANION OF THE BATH.

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HIGH LIFE BELOW STAIRS.

Michelly, of the Morning Post, was boasting to Westmacott of his intimate connexion with the aristocracy. "The area-stocracy, more likely," replied the ex-editor of the Argus.