The Eve of the French Revolution 391 operations, the poor would have been very unhappy, and the Other classes of citizens would have taken alarm. Yet, to balance these pleasing recollections, I shall always behold the empty shadow of the more lively and pure satis- factions that my administration was deprived of ; I shall have always present to my mind those benefits of every kind which it would have been so easy to have effected if the fruits of so many solicitudes, instead of being appropriated solely to the extraordinary expenses of the state, could have been applied daily to augment the happiness and prosperity of the people. Alas ! what might not have been done under other circum- stances ! It wounds my heart to think of it ! I labored dur- ing the storm ; I put the ship, as it were, afloat again, and others enjoy the command of her in the days of peace ! But such is the fate of men ; that Providence which searches the human heart and finds even in the virtues on which we pride ourselves some motives which are not perhaps pure enough in its sight, takes a delight in disappointing the most pardonable of all passions, namely, that of the love of glory and of the good opinion of the public. . . . I regret, and I have made no secret of it, that I was inter- rupted in the middle of my career, and that I was not able to finish what I had conceived for the good of the state and for the honor of the kingdom. I have not the hypocritical vanity to affect a deceitful serenity, which would be too nearly allied to indifference to deserve a place among the virtues. That moment will be long present to my mind when, some days after my resignation, being occupied in assorting and classifying my papers, I came across those that contained my various ideas for future reforms, and more especially the plans I had formed for ameliorating the salt tax, for the suppression of every customhouse in the interior parts of the kingdom, and for the extension of the provin- cial administrations : — I could proceed no farther, and push- ing away all these notes by a kind of involuntary motion, I covered my face with my hands, and a flood of tears over- powered me.
