He never hits the booze; his cash he blows
For scenery and dances and for shows!
And, Mame, he's goin' to take me to a show
If ma is only willin' I should go—
He wouldn't hear of takin' me unless
My mother knew about it and said, "Yes"—
And did she? Well, you bet your boots she did —
I'd like to see her try to stop me, kid.
IV
Say, Mamie, pipe the rose I'm wearin'—well?
You see it's on my heart— the proper spot.
I want to state that that new friend I've got
Knows how to treat a lady somethin' swell.
He doesn't spend so much: but you can tell.
The way he spends it, he's been round a lot
And knows the things to do, and what is what.
Ain't it just simply lovely, Mamie? Smell!
And, Mamie, listen!— How? What's that you said?
I've kept you waiting, madam? Pawdon me,
I awsked you what you wished; you shook your head,
And so I thought— I understood— you see-
Three yahds, you say?— Wait, Mamie, till we eat;
I'll tell you what he said to me, complete.
V
What'U I wear, Mamie? What'll I wear?
I'm goin' tonight to the show.
What sort of style will I do up my hair—
With a band or a comb or a bow?
Do you think I should go like I would to a dance
Or more like I wear in the store?
I'm scared half to death and'I daren't take a chance—
I never went this way before.
For Terence is doin' the caper just grand ;
Two seats, right downstairs near the front,
Where the dresses is all the decolette brand
And a opera cloak is the stunt.
But ma says I dassen't wear dresses like that—
Though my shoulders is better than some—
And I ain't got a opera cloak or a hat,
And I'll look like a kyke from a slum.
I wonder if Terence will wish I'd not came!
He's always so swell and so fine.
But, still, he must know I'm no millionaire dame
With duds full of jewels that shine.
So I guess I'll just put on my lavender suit
And I hope it'll please him all right;
He seen it just once and he said it was cute—
But I know I will look like a fright !
VI
Terence, these is dandy seats.
Say, you're awful good to me,
Flowers, shows and fancy eats—
You do spend your money free;
Just the same I think that we—
You, 1 mean— should save your dough,
So we'd have— I mean Oh, gee!
Ain't this just a dandy show ?
Watch the little guy who beats
On the drum ! Say, honest, he
Hops like Jersey shore mosqueets
Or a busy little flea.
Terence, pipe that bunch of three
In the third box, second row ;
Fattest folks I ever see.
Ain't this just a dandy show?
O-oh! that villain; how he cheats!
Ain't it fierce?— his villainy ?
When that hero guy he meets
He'll get his right suddenly.
There's the leadin' lady ; she
Ain't so awful pretty, though.
Now we'll have some tragedy !
Ain't this just a dandy show ?
L'ENVOI
Terence, you're the goods, machree!
And I had to tell you so.
It was grand as it could be-
lt was just a dandy show !
VII
Hello! Yes, this is Nettie. Yep!
How are you, Terence? Sure, I'm wise;
I recognized you by your step
And by the twinkle in your eyes.
Aw, quitcher jollyin'— I ain't!
Aw, now, go on ; you beat the Dutch !
You'd try the patience of a saint—
You know my looks ain't such a much.
What ? No, I don't. I never did.
I say I don't! Nope, not a bit.
Well, yes, I kind of like you, kid,
Now that I come to think of it.
Say, Terence, tell me where I stand.
What's that? Oh, gee! that listens good.
Say, honest, Terence, you're just grand—
I want that strictly understood.
Aw, keep out, Central! What you say?
We can't be spoonin' on the 'phone?
Now, don't be gettin' quite so gay ;
You just leave our affairs alone.
Hello, there, Terence, ain't that nerve?
Them Central girls is much too flip,
And if they got what they deserve
They'd be more careful with their lip.
The dance tonight? Why, sure thing, hon.
I wouldn't miss it for the world ;
It will be simply loads of fun.
I'll be there, with my bangs all curled.
I've got new scenery you'll like—
1 think it ought to please your eye ;
And I'll be dressed on time, sure Mike!
Get that one, honey ? Well, goodby!
VIII
When we get up for a spiel
Words can't express how I feel.
My joy so intense is I'm out of my senses, my brain's
in a heavenly reel!
(Continued on Page 48)
TEN
M Jul IE?
Then the air was filled with shouting,
And there rained a ghastly dew
From the nations' airy navies,
Grappling in the central blue.
—Tennyson.
IT WAS bold, even in a poet,
to make such a prediction
more than half a century
ago. Even in the last decade,
when the first flights of heavier-
than-air machines were being
made, it would have seemed
premature to think of the prac-
tical application of aeronautics
in warfare inside of another
twenty-five years; but so rapid
has been the advance of aero-
planing that now the only ques-
tion about the date when
aeroplanes will be applied to
warfare is the question as to
when the next war will occur.
That aeroplanes and dirigi-
bles will be used in warfare is
accepted by all authorities; and
yet there are few subjects about
which there has been so much
wild speculation and where the
material facts have been so
ignored. The limitations of
both aeroplanes and dirigibles
are quite decided; yet military critics who are capable
of judging say that in their respective spheres they
will be extremely useful. These same critics agree,
too, that aeronautics will not put an end to war— for
some time, at any rate. It is visionary to speak of any
invention as making war too horrible to be practiced. War
has been growing more destructive ever since primitive
man first thought to tie a stone to the end of his warclub.
The latest development of high-power guns and smokeless
powder — this powder is one of the most disconcerting
inventions of modern war— have not served to affect the
clash of armed Powers except to widen the field of hostilities.
Professor Langley, one of the pioneers of mechanical
flight, said of aerial navigation at a time when such
navigation was still a dream: "It is to be supposed that
the first application of this science will come in the arts of
war rather than in those of peace. At the same time, when
the movements of each party will be known to the other,
when no line of forts or defenses will keep out the invading
Krupp Gasbomb on the Gun, Ready to Fire — Emplacement Mount
foe, the difficulties of defending a country against an enemy
in the air will become so great that we may hope it will
hasten rather than retard the day when war shall cease."
The difficulties rather than the horrors of aviation will
bring nations eventually to expect the abolition of war.
Both navy and army officers and some aerial experts
agree that the aeroplane is weak in offensive force. At the
same time army officers say it will be effective against the
navy and naval officers say it will be effective against
the army. It is rather like the case of the German and
the Frenchman in The Murders in the Rue Morgue. The
Frenchman thought the murderer talked German and the
German was sure he talked French.
Brilliant aviators like Glenn Curtiss, Walter Brookins
and C. K. Hamilton speak of an aeroplane as being able
to put a warship out of action.
Some army critics like General
Nelson A. Miles and General
W. A. Jones, who watched the
aeroplane maneuvers at
Atlantic City, say that the air-
ship has sounded the knell of
the navy and that battleships
are already obsolescent. On the
other hand, such an expert in
high explosives as Hudson
Maxim, who is fully in touch
with aeronautics, says that
an aeroplane could do little
material damage to a battle-
ship. He says that a few dis-
figured decks and dented
superstructures are the worst
that could be expected from an
aerial bombardment.
Glenn Curtiss found by ex-
periment that he could drop
oranges from a height of three
hundred feet so accurately that
about seventy-five per cent of
his shots were hits on a hori-
zontal target as big as the deck
of a battleship. Lieutenant-
Commander Sweet, the expert
for the Navy Department on
the now extinct Airship Board,
said that Curtiss might as well drop oranges as
dynamite for all the harm he would do a battleship.
General Fred Grant, when he was coming to take
command of the Department of the East, went so far
as to say that the aeroplane was not a serious factor in
warfare at all and would need the development of another
decade before it would be so considered.
Frederic Villers, now Sir Frederic, England's most
distinguished living war correspondent, says he would
seriously advise Canada, which contemplates building a
navy of its own, to put the money into aeronautics, as the
next war will be decided in the air.
I n view of what already has been done by flying machines
and of the obvious facts of naval and aeronautic con-
struction, it seems clear that the true verdict lies between
the two extremes. Probably no aeroplane will ever be
able to "blow a battleship out of the water," though
"blow it under the water" would be a more exact term.
At the same time it is possible that it might make a
