Page:Select miscellany.pdf/13

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him to sit down to a friendly glass. The mutual familiarity which the circulation of the bottle produced, served to show off the barber in his happiest mood; and the facetious clergyman, amid the general hilarity, thus addressed him: "Now Wattie, I engage to give you a guinea, on the following terms,——— that you leap backwards and forwards over your chair for the space of half an hour-leisurely, yet regularly———crying out at every leap, here goes I, Watty Dron, barber of Dunse;'———but that, should you utter any thing else during the time, you forfeit the reward.” Wattie, though no doubt surprised at the absurdity of the proposal, yet, considering how easily he could earn the guinea, and the improbability that such an opportunity would ever again present itself, agreed to the stipulations. The watch was set, and the barber having stript of his coat, leaning with one hand on the back of the chair, commenced leaping over the seat, uniformly- repeating, in an exulting tone, the words prescribed. After matters had gone on thus smoothly for about five minutes, the clergyman rung the bell, and thus accosted the waiter:——— "What is the reason, Sir, you insult me, by sending a mad fellow like that, instead of a proper barber, as you pretended he was?" Barber———(leaping)——— "Here goes I, Wattie Dron, barber of Dunse." Waiter——— "Oh! Sir, I don't know what is the matter, I never saw him in this way all my life———Mr Dron, Mr Dron, what do you mean?" Barber———"Here goes I, Wattie———" Waiter——— "Bless me, Mr Dron, recollect these are gentlemen; how can you make such a fool of yourself?" Barber——— “Here goes I———" Landlord———(entering in haste)——— “What the Devil, Sir, is all this-the fellow is mad———how dare you, Sir, insult gentlemen in my house by such conduct?"