Justice Bramwell, when attempting to be clear, was at times rather perplexing. "My good woman," he would say to a witness, "you must give an answer, in the fewest possible words of which you are capable, to the plain and simple question whether, when you were crossing the street with the baby on your arm, and the omni bus was coming down on the right side and the cab on the left side, and the brougham was trying to pass the omnibus, you saw the plaintiff between the brougham and the cab, or between the omni bus and the cab, or whether and when you saw him at all, and whether or not near the brougham, cab, and omnibus, or either, or any two, and which of them respectively — or how was it?" "Gentlemen of the jury," said counsel, in an agricultural case, " there were thirty-six hogs in that lot, — thirty-six. I want you to remember that number, — thirty-six hogs, — just three times the number that there are in the jury-box." — Albany Law Journal. Speaking of hogs, the following story is recalled to our mind : — A young lawyer, employed to defend a culprit charged with stealing a pig, resolved to convince the court that he was born to shine. Accordingly he proceeded to deliver the following brilliant ex ordium : " May it please the court and gentlemen of the jury, — While Europe is bathed in blood; while classic Greece is struggling for her rights and liberties, and trampling the unhallowed altars of the bearded infidels to dust; while America shines forth the brightest orb in the political sky, — I, with due diffidence, rise to defend the cause of this humble hog-thief." This reminds us of a story told of a learned counsellor who, in a suit for slander, treated his hearers to the following flight of genius : " Slander, gentlemen, like a boa-constrictor of gigantic size and immeasurable proportions, wraps the coils of its unwieldy body about its unfortunate victim, and heedless of the shrieks of agony that come from the uttermost depths of its victim's soul, — loud and reverberating as the night-thunder that rolls in the heavens, — it finally breaks its unlucky neck upon the iron wheel of public opinion, forcing him first to desperation, then to madness, and finally crushing him in the hideous jaws of mortal death."
"Pray, my lord," said a gentleman to a late respected and rather whimsical judge, "what is the difference between law and equity courts?" "Very little in the end," replied his lordship; "they differ only as far as time is concerned. At common law you are done for at once; in equity you are not so easily disposed of. The former is a bullet, which is instantaneously and charmingly effective; the latter is an angler's hook, which plays with its victim before it kills it. The one is prussic acid; the other, laudanum."
At a legal investigation of a liquor seizure, the judge asked an unwilling witness, " What was in the barrel that you had? " The reply was : " Well, your Honor, it was marked ' whiskey ' on one end of the barrel and ' Pat Duffy ' on the other; so I cannot say whether it was whiskey or Pat Duffy was in the barrel, being as I am on my. oath."
In one of the earliest trials before a colored jury in Texas, the twelve gentlemen were told by the judge to retire and " find the verdict." They went into the jury-room, whence the opening and shutting of doors, and other sounds of unusual commotion were heard. At last the jury came back into court, when the foreman announced : "We hab looked eberywhar, Jedge. for dat verdict, — in de drawers and behind de doors; but it ain't nowhar in dat blessed room."
The late Judge Keogh was "a fellow of infinite jest." When he first went on the circuit as Judge of Assizes he was entertained in state by his bar, and the evening was passed in dignified decorum, as grave compliments were exchanged on both sides. The " counsellors " present were made to feel that their old comrade had become a judge. At ten o'clock, to their amazement, he rose, thanked them for their hospitality, made a solemn bow, and retired, leaving them in blank consterna tion at the complete change. In five minutes a face beaming with fun appeared at the door. "Boys, the Judge has retired for the night, but Billy Keogh won't go home until morning." A roar of laughter and applause greeted the return, and the mirth was fast and furious. — Irish Law Times.
