Page:The Green Bag (1889–1914), Volume 12.pdf/33

THE FOLLIES OF LEGISLATURES. Bv ELTWEED POMEROV. THERE is a story told of how the two of beer or other malt liquor, shall use any English egotists, Oscar Wilde and the substance, material or chemical in the manu painter Whistler, once met on the streets of facture of beer or other malt liquors other London, and Wilde said to Whistler: " Ah, than pure hops or extract of hops or pure the dear public thinks when we meet and barley, malt or wholesome yeast or rice." talk, that we are talking of art, but instead Water is not mentioned, and as nothing but we are talking of ourselves, aren't we? " the above substances may be used, the peo Whistler happening to be both an abler man ple of Missouri are wondering whether they and a wit, replied: "My dear Wilde, you will take their beer in solid form, or how. greatly mistake; when we meet, we don't Perhaps some one will come out with beer talk of ourselves, we talk of myself." tablets. So the dear public often thinks that when Down in Texas the lower house passed legislatures meet they talk about the needs what was called a "Single Tax Law" — and wishes and sufferings of the great com which it was with a vengeance. It provided mon people, but if it got behind the scenes that every unmarried man over thirty who it would find that subject given scant atten had not "exerted due diligence" in getting tion save as it affects each legislature's married should pay a fine of $50 every year. future; and that too often the talk is about In order to define "due diligence" the "ourselves," while the voting usually has bachelor's fine was to be remitted if he reference to " myself." So long as we give brought in yearly an affidavit'from some rep a committee of men uncontrolled power over utable woman that he had offered himself us, for just so long will they use that power in marriage to her during that year. for their own ends. And if they are chosen The 1897 Missouri legislature also had a frequently, as our legislators arc, they will " Single Tax Law," but it took the other retain a certain portion of the noble spirit of tack and fined widows and maidens " not service to the whole people as long as they less than $100 nor over $500" for rejecting are new at the service, crude and inefficient. a man. It was finally amended to add to They will make lots of mistakes, be easily the fine the provision that the fair one led by designing men who know the ropes; should darn the socks and sew on but and by the end of the term either be ready- tons for the rejected suitor for six months. to retire in disgust because they deem noth This laughed it out of the house. ing can be accomplished, or to adopt the But the West is not the only offender. prevailing low moral tone, look at every bill New Jersey passed a law taxing bachelors in from the point of " What is there in it for 1846, and as I never heard of its repeal, it me? " and be fit subjects for the lobbyist. may be still accumulating dust among the Thus the last legislature of the sovereign archives, and is one of those things the exec State of Missouri passed a bill called the utive swears to enforce, but does not know of "Pure Beer Law " through both houses, and and practically cannot know because there are so many of them. But the 1898 New it was signed by the governor. This pro vides that " no person or persons or corpor Jersey legislature sent to be engrossed a law ation engaged in the brewing or manufacture for taxing bachelors. It is about on a par