656
The C
USELESS BUT ENTERTAINING
Lawyer— I think it was prudent to com promise the case. I never encourage litiga tion when it can be avoided. Client— Well, any time you want to dis courage litigation you can do it by presenting your bill.—Scraps. Judge (to prisoner).—"We are now going to read you a list of your former convictions. ' Prisoner.—"In that case, perhaps your lord ship will allow me to sit down." An impecunious young lawyer recently re ceived the following letter from a tailor to whom he was indebted :— "Dear Sir: Kindly advise me by return mail when I may expect a remittance from you in settlement of my account. "Yours truly, J. Snippen." The follower of Blackstone immediately re plied :— "Dear Sir: I have your request for advice of a recent date, and beg leave to say that not having received any retainer from you I cannot act in the premises. Upon receipt of your check for $250 I shall be very glad to look the matter up for you and to acquaint you with the results of my investigations. I am, sir, with great respect, your most obedient servant, "Barclay B. Coke." — National Corporation Register. A colored woman was on trial before a magistrate charged with inhuman treatment of her offspring. Evidence was clear that the woman had severely beaten the youngster, aged some
•en Bag nine years, who was in court to exhibit his battered condition. Before imposing sentence His Honor asked the woman whether she had anything to say. "Kin I ask Yo' Honah a question?" in quired the prisoner. "Go ahead," said the Judge, and the court room listened. "Well, then, Yo' Honah, I'd like to ask yo' whether yo' was ever the parient of a puffectly wuthless cullud chile? ' —Law Student's Helper. Some years ago, a man in Nantucket was tried for a petty offense, and sentenced to four months in jail. A few days after the trial the judge who had imposed sentence, in company with the sheriff, was on his way to the Boston boat, when they passed a man busily engaged in sawing wood. The man stopped his work, touched his hat politely, and said: "Good morning, your honor." The judge, after a careful survey of the man's face, asked: "Isn't that the man I sen tenced to jail a few days ago?" "Yes," replied the sheriff, with some hesi tation, "that's the man. The fact is, Judge, we—er—we don't happen to have anybody else in jail just now, so we thought it would be a sort of useless expense to hire some one to keep the jail four months just for this one man. So I gave him the jail key and told him it would be all right if he'd sleep there o' nights."— Harper's Weekly. A persistent lawyer who had been trying to establish a witness's suspicious connection with an offending railroad was at last elated by the witness's admission that he "had worked on the railroad." "Ah I" said the attorney, with a satisfied smile. "You say you have worked on the P. T. & X?" "Yes." "For how long a period?" "Off and on for seven years, or since I have lived at Peacedale on their line." "Ah I You say you were in the employ of the P. T. & X. for seven years, off and on?" "No. I did not say that I was employed by the P. T. & X. I said that I had worked on the road.off and on, for that length of time." "Do you wish to convey the impression that you have worked for the P. T. & X. for seven years without reward?" asked the attorney. "Absolutely without reward," the witness answered, calmly. "For seven years, off and on, I've tried to open the windows in the P. T. & X. cars, and never once have I suc ceeded."— Youth's Companion.
The Editor will be glad to receive for this department anything likely to entertain the readers of the Green Bag in the way of legal antiquities, facetia:, and anecdotes.
