“Depping, Septimus. R., Loughborough Road, Brixton, London. Business; jeweller, Bond Street, London. Age, 50 years, appears in comfortable circumstances. Recently returned from the United States. In Paris now on business for firm of Depping & Davis. Occupied compartment number two with Miss Mertz. Testimony: ‘I was asleep most of the time, when I could, because the woman kept talking a lot of damned drivel about women’s rights, and poked me in the ribs with an umbrella when I dozed off. Once I went out to see whether I could get a drink; that was shortly after the train started, and about ten minutes before we saw the man look in the window. I ⟨couldn’t⟩ get the drink. Yes, I saw the man look in the window, but not very well; I was sleepy. I don’t remember the time. All I remember was that that asinine woman talked loud enough to wake the dead, and complained about everything, and said the American trains were comfortable and much faster than anything she’s seen over here. Address in Paris, Hotel Albert ler, rue Lafayette.”
“Mertz, Brunhilde Nation. R., Jinksburg, Missouri, U.S.A. Author of ‘Woman, the Dominant Sex,’ ‘What Europe Owes to Uncle Sam.’ Age stated as none of our business. Touring the continent for the purpose of lecturing about it in America. Testimony: ‘It’s a pity you can’t ride on a train in this abominable country without getting murdered! And such service! Did you ever hear of the checking system for baggage?’ Examining magistrate: ‘Madame will pardon me if I ask her to confine herself to the essential facts?’ Witness: ‘Well, if that isn’t essential, I’d like to know what is—such cheek!—I want you to know I’m an American citizen, and you can’t bully me, young man, or our ambassador will—’ Examining magistrate: ‘Madame, I beg of you—’ ‘Well, what do you want to know? I didn’t kill the man; I sat right in my compartment the whole time. Certainly I saw the measly, stupid little rat’s face that looked in. . .’”
