DXLVIII (A XII, 18)
TO ATTICUS (AT ROME)
Astura (11 March)
To fly from recollections, which make my soul smart as
though it were stung, I take refuge in recalling my plans to
your memory. Pray pardon me, whatever you think of this
one. The fact is that I find that some of the authors, whom
I am now continually reading, suggest as a proper thing to
do just what I have often discussed with you, and for which
I desire your approval. I mean about the shrine—pray think
of it as earnestly as your affection for me should suggest.[1]
About the design I do not feel any doubt, for I like that
of Cluatius, nor about the building of it at all—for to that I
have made up my mind: but about the site I do sometimes
hesitate. Pray therefore think over it. To the fullest
capacity of such an enlightened age, I am quite resolved to
consecrate her memory by every kind of memorial borrowed
from the genius of every kind of artist, Greek or Latin.
This may perhaps serve to irritate my wound: but I look
upon myself as now bound by a kind of vow and promise.
And the infinite time during which I shall be non-existent
has more influence on me than this brief life, which yet to
me seems only too long. For though I have tried every
expedient, I find nothing to give me peace of mind. For
even when I was composing that essay, of which I wrote to
you before, I was in a way nursing my sorrow. Now I reject
every consolation, and find nothing more endurable than
solitude, which Philippus did not, as I feared, disturb. For
after calling on me yesterday, he started at once for Rome.
The letter which, in accordance with your advice, I have
written to Brutus I herewith send you. Please see it
delivered to him with your own. However, I am send-*
- ↑ Cicero wished to build a shrine in honour of Tullia's memory. His first idea was to do this at Astura (p. 206): but he soon changed to the plan of purchasing suburban horti.
