hell, and the curse of God is; and also what the grace and love and mercy of God is through Christ to men in such a case as they are, who are yet estranged from him! And indeed I did often say in my heart before the Lord, that if I be hanged up presently before their eyes, it would be a means to awaken them, and Confirm them in the truth, and I gladly should be contented.
282. For I have been in my preaching, especially when I have been engaged in the doctrine of life by Christ without works, as if an angel of God had stood by at my back to encourage me. Oh, it hath been with such power and heavenly evidence upon my own soul, While I have been labouring to unfold it, to demonstrate it, and to fasten it upon the consciences of others, that I could not be contented with saying, "I believe, and am sure;" methought I was more than sure, if it be lawful to express myself that these things which I then asserted were true.
283. When I first went to preach the word abroad, the debtors and priests of the country did open wide against me. But I persuaded of this, not to render railing for railing, but to see how many of their carnal professors I could convince of their miserable state the law, and of the want and worth of Christ; for thought I, That shall answer for me in time to come, when they shall be for my hire before their face. (Gen. xxx. 33.)
284. I never cared to meddle with things that were controverted and dispute among the saints, especially things of the lowest nature; yet it pleased me much to contend with great earnestness for the word of faith, and the remission of sins by the death and sufferings of Jesus. But I say, as to other things I would let them alone, because I saw engendered strife, and because that they neither in doing, nor in leaving undone, did commend us to God to be his. Besides, I saw my work before me did run into another channel, even to carry an, awakening word; to that, therefore, I did stick and adhere.
