did then meet with! As I strove to hold by this word, that of Esau would fly in my face like lightning; I should be sometimes up and down twenty times, in an hour. Yet God did bear me out, and keep my heart upon this word; from which I had also, for several days together, very much sweetness and comfortable hopes of pardon. For thus it was made out to me: I loved thee whilst thou wast committing this sin, I loved thee before, I love thee still, and I will love thee for ever.
192. Yet I saw my sin most barbarous and a filthy crime, and could not but conclude, with great shame and astonishment, that I had horridly abused the holy Son of God. Wherefore I felt my soul greatly to love and pity him, and my bowels to yearn towards him; for I saw he was still my friend, and did reward me good for evil. Yea, the love and affection that then did burn within me to my Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ did work at this time such a strong and hot desire of revengement upon myself for the abuse I had done unto him, that, to speak as I then thought, had I a thousand gallons of blood within my veins, I could freely then have spilt it all fat the command and feet of this my Lord and Saviour.
193. And as I was thus musing, and in my studies considering how to love the Lord and to express my love to him, that saying came in upon me: "If thou, Lord, shouldest mark iniquities, O Lord, who shall stand? But there is forgiveness with thee, that thou mayest be feared" (Ps. cxxx. 3, 4). These were good words to me, especially the latter part thereof—to wit, that there is forgiveness with the Lord, that he might be feared; that is, as I then understood it, that he might be loved and had in reverence, For it was thus made out to me: That the great God did set so high an esteem upon the love of his poor creatures that, rather than, he would go, without their love, he would pardon their transgression.
194. And now was that word fulfilled on me, and I was also refreshed by it: Then shall they be ashamed and con-
