thought of that blessed ordinance of Christ which was his last supper with his disciples before his death, that scripture,
"This do in remembrance of me" (Luke xxii. 19), was made a very precious word unto me; for by it the Lord did come down upon my conscience with the discovery of his death for my sins, and, as I then felt, did as if he plunged me in the virtue of the same, it But,'behold, I had not been long a partaker at that ordinance, but such fierce and sad temptation did attend me at all, times therein, both to blaspheme the ordinance and to wish seine deadly thing to those that then did eat thereof, that, lest I should at any time be guilty of consenting to these wicked and fearful thoughts, I was forced to bend myself all the while to pray to God to keep me from such blasphemies, and also to cry to God to bless the cup and bread to them, as it were from mouth to mouth. The reason of this temptation, If have thought since, was because I did not with that reverence that became me at first approach to partake thereof.
254. Thus I continued for three-quarters of a year, and could never have rest nor ease. But at the last the Lord came in upon my soul with that same scripture by which my soul was visited before; and after that I have been usually very well and comfortable in the partaking; of that blessed ordinance, and have, I trust, therein discerned the Lord's body as broken for my sins, and that his precious blood hath been shed for my transgressions.
255. Upon a time I was something inclining to a consumption, wherewith about the spring I was suddenly and violently seized with much weakness in my outward man, insomuch that I thought could not live. Now began I afresh, to give myself up to a serious examination after my state and condition for the future, and of my evidences for that blessed world to come; for it hath, I bless the name of God, been my usual course, as always, so especially in the day of affliction, to endeavour to keep my interest in the life to come clear before mine eyes.
