THE REMINISCENCES OF CARL SCHURZ
contradictions and weak points in the testimony of the witnesses, and then he continued:
“The only thing that remains is that I have incited citizens to take up arms. I will tell you how this incitement came about. I am glad to tell you, because in my action there is only one thing that might appear ambiguous, and that is, that I endeavored rather to dissuade others from the enterprise which I myself undertook. With perfect clearness that 10th of May still stands before my mind, for that day on which I, a happy man, took leave of all the happiness of my life, has etched itself into my soul with burning needles of pain. The strain and stress of that time tore piece after piece from my heart; but at five o'clock in the afternoon I had not yet formed a final resolution. I went to the university. I delivered my lecture with quiet composure. It was my last. At six o'clock arrived the tidings from Elberfeld and Düsseldorf. They struck hot fire into my breast. I felt that the hour had come for me when honor commanded to act. From the meeting of citizens I went to my dwelling to say farewell. I took leave of the peace of my house; of the office which for twelve years had made me happy, and which I believe I had faithfully administered; leave of my wife, for whose possession I had already once risked my life; leave of my sleeping children, who did not dream that in this hour they lost their father. But when I crossed my threshold and stepped into the darkening street, then I said to myself, ‘You have taken this resolution prepared for whatever may follow; for you know what the consequences may be. You will always have the consolation of the ideas and convictions you cherish. You have no right to persuade another husband, another father, to the same terrible decision.’ In this state of mind I mounted the platform of the citizens' meeting; and I warned every one of my hearers whose heart
[ 269 ]
