THE SOCIAL INSURANCE COMPANY
(A FEW SPECIMEN APPLICATIONS)
I
NAME: Nicholas Currie Van Currie.
Business: His father's.
Present condition: Age, 25; unmarried, but nice looking; four years at Cambridge; can't spell; Bond street ancestry; dense, but in good form; pink and healthy; sisters think there's a "lot to him."
Wishes to be insured against: Ever being bothered.
Risk: Safe. Ignorance is bliss.
II
Name: Mrs. Zenas Pringle.
Business: Living down Zenas.
Present condition: Age, 45; fat husband makes soap and millions; homely daughter with stunning figure; European travel; house at Newport; two or three dukes; good cook; name in the papers.
Wishes to be insured against: Losing her grip.
Risk: Unsafe. Too many dukes in the market.
III
Name: Miss Edith Croydon.
Business: Philanthropy.
Present condition: Age, 26; rich; handsome; college settlement; wants to join a sisterhood: slum missions; living for others; sweet sacrifice.
Wishes to be insured against: Matrimony.
Risk: Unsafe. Will probably marry soon a short, stout, bald stockbroker.
V
Name: Gregory Tailer-Taylor.
Business: Husband.
Present condition: Poor, and age, 32; rich wife, age, 38; no children; never without guests in the house; gentleman farmer; brandy; tall and heavy; rides well; Mrs. T. T. tiresome and beginning to have gout.
Wishes to be insured against: Thinking too much.
Risk: Safe. Plenty of brandy.
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AS IT HAPPENED
SHE did not know a driver from a cleek:
She foozled, and the near-by sod she tore;
She couldn't make the course within a week,
There was no need to cry a warning "fore!"
Her stance, her swing, and e'en her waggle—all
Were not according to the ethics; vet,
Although she very seldom hit the ball,
Her form was simply perfect—yes, you bet!
