To such distractions and cheerful recreations I abandoned myself the more readily, and even with a degree of intoxication, because my passionate connection with Frederica now began to trouble me. Such a youthful affection cherished at random may be compared to a bombshell thrown at night, which rises with a soft, brilliant track, mingles with the stars, nay, for a moment, seems to pause among them, then, in descending, describes the same path in the reverse direction, and at last brings destruction to the place where it has terminated its course. Frederica always remained equal to herself: she seemed not to think, nor to wish to think, that the connection would so soon terminate. Olivia, on the contrary, who indeed also missed me with regret, but nevertheless did not lose so much as the other, had more foresight, or was more open. She often spoke to me about my probable departure, and sought to console herself, both on her own and her sister's account. A girl who renounces a man to whom she has not denied her affections is far from being in that painful situation in which a youth finds himself who has gone so far in his declarations to a lady. He always plays a pitiful part; since a certain survey of his situation is expected of him as a growing man, and a decided levity does not suit him. The reasons of a girl who draws back always seem sufficient, those of a man — never.
But how should a flattering passion allow us to foresee whither it may lead us? For, even when we have quite sensibly renounced it, we cannot get rid of it: we take pleasure in the charming habit, even if this is to be in an altered manner. Thus it was with me. Although the presence of Frederica pained me, I knew of nothing more pleasant than to think of her while absent, and to converse with her. I went to see her less frequently, but our correspondence became so much the more animated. She knew how to bring before me
