Good Friday.
April 20, 1764.
I have made no reformation; I have lived totally useless,
more sensual in thought, and more addicted to
wine and meat. Grant me, O God, to amend my life,
for the sake of Jesus Christ. Amen.
I hope
To put my rooms in order.[1]
I fasted all day.
April 21, 1764, 3 in the morning.
My indolence, since my last reception of the Sacrament,
has sunk into grosser sluggishness, and my dissipation
spread into wilder negligence. My thoughts have been
clouded with sensuality; and, except that from the
beginning of this year, I have in some measure forborn
excess of strong drink, my appetites have predominated
over my reason. A kind of strange oblivion has overspread
me, so that I know not what has become of the
last year; and perceive that incidents and intelligence
pass over me without leaving any impression.
This is not the life to which heaven is promised. I purpose to approach the altar again to-morrow. Grant, O Lord, that I may receive the Sacrament with such resolutions of a better life as may by thy grace be effectual, for the sake of Jesus Christ. Amen.
April 21. I read the whole gospel of St. John. Then sat up till the 22nd.
My purpose is from this time,
To reject or expel sensual images, and idle thoughts.
To provide some useful amusement for leisure time.
To avoid idleness.
To rise early.
To study a proper portion of every day.
To worship God diligently.
To read the Scriptures.
To let no week pass without reading some part.
- ↑ Disorder I have found one great cause of idleness.
