Easter Day.
April 7.
The time is again at which, since the death of my poor
dear Tetty, on whom God have mercy, I have annually
commemorated the mystery of redemption, and annually
purposed to amend my life. My reigning sin, to
which perhaps many others are dependent, is waste of
time, and general sluggishness, to which I was always
inclined, and, in part of my life, have been almost compelled
by morbid melancholy and disturbance of mind.
Melancholy has had in me its paroxysms and remissions,
but I have not improved the intervals, nor sufficiently
resisted my natural inclination, or sickly habits.
I will resolve, henceforth, to rise at eight in the
morning, so far as resolution is proper, and will pray
that God will strengthen me. I have begun this
morning.
Though for the past week I have had an anxious design of communicating to day, I performed no particular act of devotion, till on Friday I went to church. My design was to pass part of the day in exercises of piety, but Mr. Boswell interrupted me; of him, however, I could have rid myself, but poor Thrale, orbus et exspes, came for comfort, and sat till seven, when we all went to church.
In the morning I had at church some radiations of comfort.
I fasted, though less rigorously than at other times. I, by negligence, poured milk into the tea, and, in the afternoon, drank one dish of coffee with Thrale; yet at night, after a fit of drowsiness, I felt myself very much disordered by emptiness, and called for tea, with peevish and impatient eagerness. My distress was very great.
Yesterday, I do not recollect that to go to church came into my thoughts; but I sat in my chamber, preparing for preparation: interrupted I know not how. I was near two hours at dinner.
I go now with hope,
