An Ape, one day, said to a Goat,
"Why wear that nasty ugly Beard?
I'll shave you for a quarter groat
Cleaner than Sheep was ever shear'd."
"Thank you, Sir Ape!" the Goat replied,
"I'll think of it." To court he ran,
Where he the foplings busy spied
Effacing ev'ry mark of man:
Thinking to win the softer sex
By making themselves softer still.
"Ah!" says our Goat, "ah! ah! I'feggs,
I'll be in fashion, that I will!"
He seats himself, the Ape's not slow,
But tucks the cloth in, and then lathers;
When lo! stalk'd by a goodly row,
A solemn train of old Church Fathers!
With these came Doctors of each Art,
And each one pointed to his Beard!
Our Goat sprang up, with sudden start,
Like one whom conscience makes afeard.
"O Ape! this man's a creature brave,
To whom we all like slaves submit;
Bearded to-day—t'morrow he'll shave,
Then where's the good of his boasted wit!
"There's your apron! take your basin!
"Tis best to abide by nature's rule:
His Beard no Goat will see disgrace in,
Whom nature did not make a fool!"
Moral.
Let your Beards grow in their natural shapes,
God made you all Men, don't make yourselves Apes!
