and as in the conduct of the peculiar operations then in progress, the generals were necessarily obliged to be particular in whom they confided, it was scarcely to be wondered at that one who, like myself, was endeavoring to play the part of a free-lance, should receive comparatively little countenance.
I appreciated the situation, and yet I could not help being disappointed, that one who had done so well by the Confederacy as myself, and who was so willing to undertake difficult and hazardous tasks, should get such little encouragement, and so I resolved to abandon the west, for the present at least. In Virginia, I thought that I would be likely to have a better chance for distinguishing myself, if only for the reason that the operations of the contending forces were confined to a more limited space than they were in the region I was leaving. I had an idea, too, that in case my claims to consideration at the hands of the authorities were not admitted with the promptness I desired, I would be able to do some business in the way of running through the lines on my own account, just for my own satisfaction, and for the sake of showing what I was capable of.
Once past the Confederate pickets, I believed that I could easily reach Washington; and I felt certain that a skilful spy, such as I esteemed myself now to be, could, without great difficulty, find out plenty of things which the Richmond authorities would be glad to know, and for the furnishing of which they would be glad to extend me such recognition as I desired. The military situation in Virginia, too, was more satisfactory than it was in the west, and I had a hankering to be where the Confederates were occasionally winning some victories. Since I had been in the west, I had witnessed little else than disaster, and I greatly desired to take a hand in a fight when the victory would rest with the Confederates, if only for the sake of variety.
My experiences since leaving New Orleans had not been particularly fruitful, for although I performed several services in satisfactory style for officers to whose notice I brought myself, no opportunity had offered for me to do anything of special moment, or to show the full extent of my capabilities, and, as there did not seem, from the condition things were in, that anything was to be gained by remaining, I was not sorry to leave for the scene of my first exploits as a Confederate soldier.
