At the time of which I write, however, a desire to see Captain De Caulp again was the uppermost thought in my mind, and I was almost more than half resolved to give him a surprise by revealing myself to him. Whether to do this or not was a question that 1 debated with myself most seriously while on my way to join him. The fact that I was a woman had now been so often discovered, that it was probable he might at any moment learn that his expected wife and Lieutenant Harry T. Buford were one and the same; and, not knowing what he might think of the course I had pursued in assuming male attire, I dreaded having any one but myself discover my secret to him. In addition to this, I loved him most fondly; and, although inspired by a sense of the duties I owed to the cause for which I had taken up arms, I endeavored to control my feelings, and to regard my marriage with Captain De Caulp as not to be thought of until the time came for both to forsake the battle-field, and to think no more of warfare but as something we were done with forever.
Cupid's Tyranny.
I would have been less than human, however, if sometimes I did not desire most ardently to be with him, and to hear from my lover's lips the terms of endearment which are the sweetest music a woman's ears can be greeted by, and to be courted by him as other women were by the men who had won their affections. I knew that, in many respects, it would be better for me to remain at a distance from Captain De Caulp; but I was moved by an inscrutable impulse at this time to go to him, and I was almost willing, if he should say so, to abandon the army, and to permanently resume the garments of my sex. I did not propose, however, to do this if it could be avoided, and the leading idea in my mind was, in the event of my concluding to reveal myself to him, to go through the rest of the war with him, and to fight constantly by his side, as the Italian heroine, Bona Lombardi, did by the side of her husband, Brunaro. The course which I would ultimately pursue, however, I finally determined should be governed by circumstances, but that, at all events, I would make an effort to see my lover again.
So soon as I found that Captain De Caulp was near at hand, I took the train for the point nearest to where I learned that Van Dorn's command was stationed. Getting off at Tyner's
