cause to which I had already given myself, heart and soul, during more than two of the best years of my life.
That I did not feel exactly the same enthusiasm now that I did in the spring of 1861, was due, not to any feeling of coldness towards the cause, nor to any lack of disposition to do anything in my power to win the final victory, which I still hoped, in spite of every discouragement, would crown our efforts, but to circumstances which every veteran soldier will appreciate. These circumstances were the more potent in my case from the fact that I was a woman, and in endeavoring to carry out my notions with regard to the best way of making my services of the utmost value, was consequently hampered in many ways that men were not. For having dared to assume a man's garb, for the purpose of doing a man's work, I had been treated with contumely, on more than one occasion, by those who ought at least to have given me credit for my intentions, and although my comrades of the camp and the battle-field or at least all of them whose good opinion was worth having esteemed me for what I had done, and for what I tried to do, bestowing ample praise upon me for my valor and efficiency as a soldier, I was getting out of the notion of subjecting myself to the liability of being locked up by every local magistrate within whose jurisdiction I happened to find myself, simply because I did not elect to dress according to his notions of propriety.
A Perplexing Situation.
I was a little dubious, therefore, with regard to what course it was best for me to pursue, especially as, apart from all other considerations, my health was not so robust as it had been, and my husband's fate was a warning to me not to expose myself as I had been in the habit of 'doing, at least until I had fully regained my strength. On reviewing the whole subject in my mind, I became more than ever convinced that the secret service rather than the army would afford me the best field for the exercise of my talent, although I almost more than half made up my mind to enter the army again, and try my luck, as I had originally done, disguised as an officer, in case I found it impossible to become attached to the secret service department in the manner I wished.
I finally concluded that the best thing for me to do was to go to Richmond, and if nothing else availed, to make a per-
