Page:Tom Lehrer song lyrics (website).pdf/81

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SHAKESPEARE LIED (from How Now, Dow Jones (1968))

original lyrics by Carolyn Leigh, original music by Elmer Bernstein, adapted by Tom Lehrer

A: Oh, God, I can't live without him! I'll die!
B: Die from love?
A: People have.
B: Aah! You've been reading too many books. Listen!


B:

Shakespeare lied.
When Juliet died,
Romeo didn't take poison just because he'd lost his bride.

A: What did he do?
B:

He got over it.
He went back to Junior High, and he got over it.
And so will you.
You'll get over it.

A:

So Romeo got himself a life,
But then, there's Othello, he murdered his wife!

B:

But Shakespeare lied.
Othello may have cried,
But he never strangled Desdemona 'cause he thought she lied.

A: What did he do?
B:

He got over it.
She found the handkerchief, and he got over it.
And so will you.
You'll get over it.
Just bear in mind that Shakespeare lied.

A: Okay, how about Cleopatra?
B:

You recall that asp
In Cleopatra's grasp,
Well, she didn't yell "O, Antony" and gasp her final gasp.

A: You're putting me on!
B:

No!
None the worse from it
She even made a stunning snakeskin purse from it.
And as for you ---

A:

I know!
I'll get over it.

B: You'll get over it,
A:

Okay, take Hamlet, he's a better test,
'Cause there was a guy who was really depressed.

B:

But Shakespeare lied.
When all those people died,
Hamlet didn't just mope around and think of suicide.

A:

What did he do?
Don't tell me ---

BOTH: He got over it.
B:

Right!
He got himself some Prozac and got over it.
And so will you.
You'll get over it.

A: I'll get over it.
B:

Love isn't fatal, as a rule,
Forget all that stuff you learned in school,
And bear in mind, whatever you decide

That Shake --- A: So he made a mistake,
Speare --- And I'm happy to hear he
BOTH: Lied!