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"I looked down, and what do you think the critter was doin'?"
"Lord!" exclaimed the old lady, "I'm sure I don't know."
"There he was," said our hero, "settin' right on the bottom of the river, pourin' the peauder out of my horn into hizen."
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HOLDING ONE'S OWN.
Dr. Crusty and his friend Blinko were journeying towards lake Ontario in a cab. Now Blinko, albeit he may think quito contrary, is any thing but a handsomo man, and upon this swings the point of our story. "It is very soldom, doctor," said Blinko, musing, it is very seldom, doctor, that the promises of your youth are realized." "Do you think so, Blinko?" inquired the doctor.-"Most distinctly I do," was the response. "Now, for instance, doctor," continued Blinko, "I was esteemed very ugly indeed-extremely plain-when a child." "You was, eh?" "I was." "Well, I think you've held your own remarkably well!" retorted the doctor, with more than his usual asperity.-Blinko told the coachman to drive faster, and opened not his mouth again until they reached the lake.
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AN AMERICAN JURY
At an inquest on a drowned person, held at New York, there was some evidence that the deceased had been in a stato of destitution, and thereupon one of the jurymen wished to return as his verdict-"Found drowned for want of necessary food!"
