"'Never mind that,' said the old gentleman; 'you're much too fond of punch, Tom.'
"Tom Smart was just on the point of protesting that he hadn't tasted a drop since his last birth-day, but when his eye encountered that of the old gentleman, he looked so knowing that Tom blushed, and was silent.
"'Tom,' said the old gentleman, 'the widow's a fine woman—remarkably fine woman—eh, Tom?" Here the old fellow screwed up his eyes, cocked up one of his wasted little legs, and looked altogether so unpleasantly amorous, that Tom was quite disgusted with the levity of his behaviour;—at his time of life, too!
"'I am her guardian, Tom,' said the old gentleman.
"'Are you?' inquired Tom Smart.
"'I knew her mother, Tom,' said the old fellow; and her grandmother. She was very fond of me—made me this waistcoat, Tom.'
"'Did she?" said Tom Smart.
"'And these shoes,' said the old fellow, lifting up one of the red-cloth mufflers; but don't mention it, Tom. I shouldn't like to have it known that she was so much attached to me. It might occasion some unpleasantness in the family.' When the old rascal said this, he looked so extremely impertinent, that, as Tom Smart afterwards declared, he could have sat upon him without remorse.
"'I have been a great favourite among the women in my time, Tom,' said the profligate old debauchee; 'hundreds of fine women have sat in my lap for hours together. What do you think of that you dog, eh! The old gentleman was proceeding to recount some other exploits of his youth, when he was seized with such a violent fit of creaking that he was unable to proceed.
"'Just serves you right, old boy,' thought Tom Smart; but he didn't say anything.
"'Ah!' said the old fellow, 'I am a good deal troubled with this now. I am getting old Tom, and have lost nearly
