Pieces People Ask For/Taters

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Of all the wonderful works of Nater,
What surprises me most, she can make a tater!
She gathers the stuff to produce a skin,
And then gradually stuffs the tater in.


Tater! tater! Best bread made by Nater!
No baker alive could make a tater.

In Ireland, where earth is so fertile and turfy,
They mispronounce tater by calling it Murphy.
In France, where all language to ribbons they tear,
They nominate tater a pomme de terre!

Tater ! tater ! The brown bread of Nater!
Old Nick couldn't give a worse nickname for tater.

Of words that sound proud I was always a hater—
All creatures that purr, from a fool to a cat,
Should be made to eat taters without any fat.

Tater! tater! Good Nater creator!
If an angel said per, I belave I should bate her.

O how shall I praise you? I don't want to hurt you
By making you vain and destroying your virtue;
But — baked, fried, boiled, roasted, you're equally good,
And in pigpen or palace alike understood.

Tater! tater! First and best boon of Nater!
When I stop being poet, I'd turn to a tater.

What makes all men kin? It is "one touch of Nater!"
And what is that touch, but the touch of a tater?
Of all flowers of the field, tater flour I most prize,
Best bread for the body and meet for the eyes.

Tater! tater! Did I wish to beat Nater,
I'd take you when new, and produce a baked tater!

Some scoff at a tater, and don't wish to see un;
They say you are vulgar and very plebeian,
And call you a root! But their minds are unsound:
It's your modesty tells you to hide in the ground.

Tater! tater! Many-eyed, potent tater!
(King Richard with III. was only Dick-tater.)

But alas! you are deaf to my harp's fond endeavor,
Or I'd sing in this beautiful fashion forever!
You have eyes, but you see not; you're deaf as a drum;
And as none else will listen, like you I'll be dumb.

Tater! tater! When I leave mortal Nater,
Let the world calmly think what I thought of a tater!

W. O. Eaton.