Punch/Volume 147/Issue 3808/The Militant's Tariff
Mrs. Bangham Smasher, having entered into partnership with the Misses Burnham Blazer, as General Agents of Destruction, begs to inform the public that the firm will be prepared to execute commissions of all kinds, at the shortest notice, on the very moderate terms given below:—
| £ | s. | d. | |
|---|---|---|---|
| For breaking windows, per window | 0 | 7 | 6 |
| For howling, kicking, or biting during service in church, per howl, kick, or bite | 0 | 10 | 6 |
| For sitting on doorsteps of obnoxious persons, per hour, if fine | 0 | 15 | 0 |
| For sitting on doorsteps of obnoxious persons, per hour, if wet | 1 | 1 | 0 |
| For damaging golf greens, per green | 1 | 11 | 6 |
| For throwing shoes at magistrates in court, according to size and weight of shoe, from | 2 | 2 | 0 |
| For beating officials connected with gaols | 3 | 3 | 0 |
| For slashing and hacking valuable pictures, from | 7 | 7 | 0 |
| For bombs not intended to explode | 8 | 8 | 0 |
| For burning down a house, according to value and social position of owner, from | 10 | 0 | 0 |
| For insulting exalted Personages, per insult | 10 | 10 | 0 |
| For burning down a modern red-brick church | 15 | 15 | 0 |
| For burning down a specially valuable and interesting ancient one (eleventh and twelfth centuries extra) | 21 | 0 | 0 |
| For bombs warranted to destroy an ordinary church | 30 | 0 | 0 |
| For bombs suited to wreck really superior buildings, such as Westminster Abbey and St. Paul's | 50 | 0 | 0 |
| For disturbing public meetings and the general harassing and annoyance of all peaceable and decent people | No charge. | ||
Bangham Smasher, Burnham Blazer & Co. beg to assure their patrons that all the choppers, hammers, bombs, stones, etc., employed in their business are of the very best quality, and only refined paraffin and wax matches will be used in burning down any building.
Being in a position to offer such exceptional advantages they trust to receive a large measure of support in their elevating and enlightening work.
If none of the above is found suitable to the needs of intending clients, a further list of assorted outrages will be supplied on application.