Punch/Volume 147/The Unspeakable Turk
THE
UNSPEAKABLE TURK.
THE STATUS QUO.
Turkey. "Will you not still befriend me?"
Britannia. "Befriend you?—Not with your hands of that colour!"
England indignantly protests against the atrocities committed by the Turk in Bulgaria.
ONE BUBBLE MORE!!
The Turk, once again, makes illusory promises of Reform.
EVERYBODY'S FRIEND!
During the Russo-Turkish War a strict neutrality is preserved by Germany. She is now the "friend" of the Turk.
THE SUBLIME—"SUPER"!
"Stage Manager. "What are you to do, Sir? Why, get well to the back, and—wave your banner!!!"
The Turk makes a great show of denouncing the revold of Arabi in Egypt. He is not taken very seriously.
COOPED UP!
The Powers, despite the protests of Greece, leave it to the Turk to restore order in the Island of Crete.
"DEEDS—NOT WORDS!"
John Bull. "Look here,—we've had enough of your palaver! are you going to let the girl go, or have we got to make you?"
The barbarous treatment of Armenia by the Turk compels the intervention of England, France and Russia.
A FREE HAND.
The Unspeakable Turk. "Ha, ha. There's no one about! I can get to Business Again."
While England is absorbed elsewhere the Turk takes the opportunity to commit further outrages in Armenia.
A TURKISH BATH.
Sultan. "They gave it me pretty hot in that Armenian room! but—Bismillah! this is—phew!!"
A very "sick man" is the Turk. He goes from bad to worse.
"TURKEY LIMITED."
Sultan. Make me into a Limited Company? H'm—ah—S'pose they'll allow me to join the Board after Allotment!"
The Powers consider the advisability of placing the Turk "under control."
TENDER MERCIES!
Dame Europa (to Little Crete). "Don't cry, my little man. I've asked this nice, kind Turkish policeman to stay and take care of you!"
The Turk is given another chance to mend his ways.
THE SLAVE OF DUTY!
Admiral John Bull. "Now then, out you'll have to go!"
The Unspeakable. "What! leave my beautiful Crete in a state of disorder? Never!"
The incorrigible Turk is deprived of his power to misrule in Crete. He is consoled by Germany.
THE MITYLENE MARCH.
(Solo for the French Horn.)
The Sultan. "I don't like Solos! Give me the good old-fashioned European Concerto!"
France sends a fleet to Mitylene and compels the Turk to respect the rights of certain French subjects.
BETWEEN RUSSIA AND THE DEEP SEA.
Trouble again confronts the Turk. Macedonia, weary of his oppression, rises in revolt. Russia keeps an eye upon him.
THE OPTIMIST.
Abdul Hamid. "What, all the Fleets coming here? That will be fun! I do hope they'll have Fireworks!"
The Powers decide on a Naval Demonstration to compel the Turk to settle the Macedonian difficulty.
OUT OF BOUNDS.
John Bull. "Shoo! Shoo!"
The Turk tries to grab a bit of Egypt, but his bluster is unsuccessful. Under pressure he retires, as usual.
THE THRONE PERILOUS.
The condition of the Turk is very critical. Internal disorders indicate a serious danger of collapse.
THE SALT-WATER CURE.
Shah of Persia. "Go on in, Abdul—just for the look of the thing. You can always come out if you don't like it."
Sick Man of Europe. "Yes, I know. But one gets so wet!"
The Turk makes another specious effort to amend his constitution.
AT LAST!
The liberation of Macedonia from the tyranny of the Turk is, at last, accomplished.
ARMAGEDDON: A DIVERSION.
Turkey. "Good! if only all those other christian nations get at one another's throats, I may have a dog's chance yet."
The Turk still has a gleam of hope.
NO EFFECTS.
Balkan Leaguer. "It's your money we want."
Turkey. "Money, dear boy? Search me!"
The ever impecunious Turk.
SETTLED.
Dame Europa. "You've always been the most troublesome boy in the school. How go and consolidate yourself."
Turkey. "Please, ma'am, what does that mean?"
Dame Europa. "It means going into that corner—and stopping there!"
The Turk is driven to confine his energies to Asia Minor.
"DEUTSCHLAND UEBER ALLES."
King of the Hellenes. "Our success was, as you know, entirely due to you."
German Emperor. "Thanks, thanks." (Aside) "I suppose he can't be referring to our organisation of the Turkish army."
The decisive defeat of the Turk by the Greeks and their Allies is a bitter blow to Germany.
ANOTHER PEACE CONFERENCE.
Turkey (to Greece) "Aha! my young friend, alone at last! Now we can arrange a really nice treaty."
The Turk makes a desperate effort to get Greece into a quiet corner.
HIS MASTER'S VOICE.
The Kaiser (to Turkey, reassuringly). "Leave everything to me. All you've got to do is to explode."
Turkey. "Yes, I quite see that. But where shall I be when it's all over?"
There is, indeed, no health in the Turk.