Shakespeare - First Folio facsimile (1910)/The Merry Wives of Windsor/Act 3 Scene 3
Scena Tertia.
Enter M.Ford, M.Page, Seruants, Robin, Falstaffe, Ford, Page, Caius, Euans.
Mist.Ford.
What Iohn, what Robert.
M.Page.
Quickly, quickly: Is the Buck-basket—
Mis.Ford.
I warrant.What Robin I say.
Mis.Page.
Come, come, come.
Mist.Ford.
Heere, set it downe.
M.Pag.
Giue your men the charge, we must be briefe.
M.Ford.
Marrie, as I told you before (Iohn & Robert) be ready here hard-by in the Brew-house, & when I sodainly call you, come forth, and (without any pause, or staggering) take this basket on your shoulders: y done, trudge with it in all hast, and carry it among the Whitsters in Dotchet Mead, and there empty it in the muddie ditch, close by the Thames side.
M.Page.
You will do it?
M.Ford.
I ha told them ouer and ouer, they lacke no direction.
Be gone, and come when you are call'd.
M.Page.
Here comes little Robin.
Mist.Ford.
How now my Eyas-Musket, what newes with you?
Rob.
My M[aster]. Sir Iohn is come in at your backe doore (Mist[ris]. Ford, and requests your company.
M.Page.
You litle Iack-a-lent, haue you bin true to vs
Rob.
I, Ile be sworne: my Master knowes not of your being heere: and hath threatned to put me into euerlasting liberty, if I tell you of it: for he sweares he'll turne me away.
Mist.Pag.
Thou'rt a good boy: this secrecy of thine shall be a Tailor to thee, and shal make thee a new doublet and hose. Ile go hide me.
Mi.Ford.
Do so: go tell thy Master, I am alone: Mistris
Page, remember you your Qu.
Mist.Pag.
I warrant thee, if I do not act it, hisse me
Mist.Ford.
Go-too then: we'l vse this vnwholsome humidity, this grosse-watry Pumpion; we'll teach him to know Turtles from Iayes.
Fal.
Haue I caught thee, my heauenly Iewell? Why now let me die, for I haue liu'd long enough: This is the period of my ambition: O this blessed houre.
Mist.Ford.
O sweet Sir Iohn.
Fal.
Mistris Ford, I cannot cog, I cannot prate (Mist[ris]. Ford) now shall I sin in my wish; I would thy Husband were dead, Ile speake it before the best Lord, I would make thee my Lady.
Mist.Ford.
I your Lady Sir Iohn? Alas, I should bee a pittifull Lady.
Fal.
Let the Court of France shew me such another: I see how thine eye would emulate the Diamond: Thou hast the right arched-beauty of the brow, that becomes the Ship-tyre, the Tyre-valiant, or any Tire of Venetian admittance.
Mist.Ford.
A plaine Kerchiefe, Sir Iohn: My browes become nothing else, nor that well neither.
Fal.
Thou art a tyrant to say so: thou wouldst make an absolute Courtier, and the firme fixture of thy foote, would giue an excellent motion to thy gate, in a semicircled Farthingale. I see what thou wert if Fortune thy foe, were not Nature thy friend: Come, thou canst not hide it.
Mist.Ford.
Beleeue me, ther's no such thing in me.
Fal.
What made me loue thee? Let that perswade thee. Ther's something extraordinary in thee: Come, I cannot cog, and say thou art this and that, like a-manie of these lisping-hauthorne buds, that come like women in mens apparrell, and smell like Bucklers-berry in simple time: I cannot, but I loue thee, none but thee; and thou deseru'st it.
M.Ford.
Do not betray me sir, I fear you loue M[istris]. Page.
Fal.
Thou mightst as well say, I loue to walke by the Counter-gate, which is as hatefull to me, as the reeke of a Lime-kill.
Mis.Ford.
Well, heauen knowes how I loue you, And you shall one day finde it.
Fal.
Keepe in that minde, Ile deserue it.
Mist.Ford.
Nay, I must tell you, so you doe;
Or else I could not be in that minde
Rob.
Mistris Ford, Mistris Ford: heere's Mistris Page at the doore, sweating, and blowing, and looking wildely, and would needs speake with you presently.
Fal.
She shall not see me, I will ensconce mee behinde the Arras.
M.Ford.
Pray you do so, she's a very tatling woman.
Whats the matter? How now?
Mist.Page.
O mistris Ford what haue you done?
You'r sham'd, y'are ouerthrowne, y'are vndone for euer.
M.Ford.
What's the matter, good mistris Page?
M.Page.
O weladay, mist[ris]. Ford, hauing an honest man to your husband, to giue him such cause of suspition.
M.Ford.
What cause of suspition?
M.Page.
What cause of suspition? Out vpon you:
How am I mistooke in you?
M.Ford.
Why (alas) what's the matter?
M.Page.
Your husband's comming hether (Woman) with all the Officers in Windsor, to search for a Gentleman, that he sayes is heere now in the house; by your
consent to take an ill aduantage of his absence: you are vndone.
M.Ford.
'Tis not so, I hope.
M.Page.
Pray heauen it be not so, that you haue such a man heere: but 'tis most certaine your husband's comming, with halfe Windsor at his heeles, to serch for such a one, I come before to tell you: If you know your selfe cleere, why I am glad of it: but if you haue a friend here, conuey, conuey him out. Be not amaz'd, call all your senses to you, defend your reputation, or bid farwell to your good life for euer.
M.Ford.
What shall I do? There is a Gentleman my deere friend: and I feare not mine owne shame so much, as his perill. I had rather then a thousand pound he were out of the house.
M.Page.
For shame, neuer stand (you had rather, and you had rather:) your husband's heere at hand, bethinke you of some conueyance: in the house you cannot hide him. Oh, how haue you deceiu'd me? Looke, heere is a basket, if he be of any reasonable stature, he may creepe in heere, and throw fowle linnen vpon him, as if it were going to bucking: Or it is whiting time, send him by your two men to Datchet-Meade.
M.Ford.
He's too big to go in there: what shall I do?
Fal.
Let me see't, let me see't, O let me see't:
Ile in, Ile in: Follow your friends counsell, Ile in.
M.Page.
What Sir Iohn Falstaffe? Are these your Letters, Knight?
Fal.
I loue thee, helpe mee away: let me creepe in heere: ile neuer—
M.Page.
Helpe to couer your master (Boy:) Call your men (Mist[ris]. Ford.) You dissembling Knight.
M.Ford.
What Iohn, Robert, Iohn; Go, take vp these cloathes heere, quickly: Wher's the Cowle-staffe? Look how you drumble? Carry them to the Landresse in Datchet mead: quickly, come.
Ford
'Pray you come nere: if I suspect without cause,
Why then make sport at me, then let me be your iest,
I deserue it: How now? Whether beare you this?
Ser
To the Landresse forsooth?
M.Ford.
Why, what haue you to doe whether they beare it? You were best meddle with buck-washing.
Ford
Buck? I would I could wash my selfe of y Buck:
Bucke, bucke, bucke, I bucke: I warrant you Bucke,
And of the season too; it shall appeare.
Gentlemen, I haue dream'd to night, Ile tell you my
dreame: heere, heere, heere bee my keyes, ascend my
Chambers, search, seeke, finde out: Ile warrant wee'le
vnkennell the Fox. Let me stop this way first: so, now
vncape.
Page
Good master Ford, be contented:
You wrong your selfe too much.
Ford
True (master Page) vp Gentlemen,
You shall see sport anon:
Follow me Gentlemen.
Euans.
This is fery fantasticall humors and iealousies.
Caius.
By gar,’tis no-the fashion of France:
It is not iealous in France.
Page.
Nay follow him (Gentlemen) see the yssue of his search.
Mist.Page.
Is there not a double excellency in this?
Mist.Ford.
I know not which pleases me better,
That my husband is deceiued, or Sir Iohn.
Mist.Page.
What a taking was hee in, when your husband askt who was in the basket?
Mist.Ford.
I am halfe affraid he will haue neede of washing: so throwing him into the water, will doe him a benefit.
Mist.Page.
Hang him dishonest rascall: I would all of the same straine, were in the same distresse.
Mist.Ford.
I thinke my husband hath some speciall suspition of Falstaffs being heere: for I neuer saw him so grosse in his iealousie till now.
Mist.Page.
I will lay a plot to try that, and wee will yet haue more trickes with Falstaffe: his dissolute disease will scarse obey this medicine.
Mis.Ford.
Shall we send that foolishion Carion, Mist[ris].
Quickly to him, and excuse his throwing into the water, and giue him another hope, to betray him to another punishment?
Mist.Page.
We will do it: let him be sent for to morrow eight a clocke to haue amends.
Ford.
I cannot finde him: may be the knaue bragg’d of that he could not compasse.
Mis.Page.
Heard you that?
Mis.Ford.
You vse me well, M[aster]. Ford? Do you?
Ford.
I, I do so.
M.Ford.
Heauen make you better then your thoghts.
Ford.
Amen.
Mi.Page.
You do your selfe mighty wrong (M[aster]. Ford)
Ford.
I, I: I must beare it.
Eu.
If there be any pody in the house, & in the chambers, and in the coffers, and in the presses: heauen forgiue my sins at the day of iudgement.
Caius.
Be gar, nor I too: there is no-bodies.
Page.
Fy, fy, M[aster]. Ford, are you not asham’d? What spirit, what diuell suggests this imagination? I wold not ha your distemper in this kind, for ў welth of Windsor castle.
Ford.
’Tis my fault (M[aster]. Page) I suffer for it.
Euans.
You suffer for a pad conscience: your wife is as honest a o’mans, as I will desires among fiue thousand, and fiue hundred too.
Cai.
By gar, I see’tis an honest woman.
Ford.
Well, I promisd you a dinner: come, come, walk in the Parke, I pray you pardon me: I wil hereafter make knowne to you why I haue done this. Come wife, come Mi[stris]. Page, I pray you pardon me. Pray hartly pardon me.
Page.
Let’s go in Gentlemen, but (trust me) we’l mock him: I doe inuite you to morrow morning to my house to breakfast: after we’ll a Birding together, I haue a fine Hawke for the bush. Shall it be so:
Ford.
Any thing.
Eu.
If there is one, I shall make two in the Companie.
Ca.
If there be one, or two, I shall make-a-theturd.
Ford.
Pray you go, M[aster]. Page.
Eua.
I pray you now remembrance to morrow on the lowsie knaue, mine Host.
Cai.
Dat is good by gar, withall my heart.
Eua.
A lowsie knaue, to haue his gibes, and his mockeries.Exeunt