Signs and Wonders God Wrought in the Ministry for Forty Years/Chapter 2
CHAPTER II
PREPARATION FOR SERVICE
From the time of the sad occurrences which have just been narrated in the previous chapter, my health was very poor, and many times I was brought near the brink of the grave. Everyone who saw me thought I would die. But the work the Lord was calling me to do came up before me so plainly that I thought he would raise me up, and open the way; and at these times, when I seemed to be hovering between life and death, I would have such glorious visions.
At one time I was praying for the salvation of sinners, and the Savior appeared on the cross by me, and talked with me; I laid my. hand on his mangled body, and looked up in his smiling face. Another time I was meditating upon the love of God in giving his only Son to die for sinners, and of the beautiful home he was preparing for those who love him, and I seemed to float away, and was set down in the Beautiful City. Oh, the glorious sight that met my view can never be expressed by mortal tongue! Heaven is located. It is a real city. Its inhabitants are real, and not imaginary. If mothers could see their childrer as I saw them, in all their shining glory, they would never weep for them, but would leave all and follow Jesus. They would let nothing keep them from meeting their children in heaven, where they are shining in dazzling beauty around God's Throne, and are watching to give welcome to the Beautiful City. I never think of my children as being in the grave. Oh, no. The loved form that we laid away in the cold grave, is nothing but the casket, that contained the jewel which is now shining in the Savior's Crown.
Often now when I am pleading with sinners to come to Jesus, and telling them of the love of God, the beautiful home in heaven, of the mansions bright and of the robe and crown, and of the great multitude who have been washed in the blood of the Lamb, the veil seems to be taken away and I feel lost in the love and glory of Christ. I feel as though the congregation was left behind, and I was floating upward in a cloud of glory. Oh, the wonderful love of God! The half has never been told. It never can be told. It will take all eternity to tell of the redeeming love, in the wonderful plan of redemption to a dying world. Dear readers, will you not give up all and follow Jesus, and meet me in that beautiful land where sorrow will never come?
I do praise God for his loving kindness to me in always raising up the best of Christian friends in my behalf. In all my sickness and trouble the ministers and people came from the different churches in the town and had prayer-meeting in my room. They prayed in the churches for my recovery. I was willing to die and leave my little girl and boy, feeling that God would care for them, but the work God was calling me to do, loomed up before me. All these years God had been preparing me—for I was not willing. I felt like a worm in his sight. It seemed impossible for me to undertake the work for the salvation of souls; but the time had come to promise or die. I promised God that if he would restore my health, and prepare me, and show me the work, I would try to do it; I began to get better immediately.
We then moved to a Friend's settlement, and they came and took me to church. They had glorious meetings. God seemed to say to me, "I brought you here; go to work." Now the struggle commenced: I was very timid, and bound as with chains in a man-fearing spirit. When I arose to testify I trembled like a leaf, and began to make excuses—"O God, send some one else!" Then the Lord in a vision caused me to see the bottomless pit open in all its horror and woe. There was weeping and wailing and gnashing of teeth. It was surrounded by a great multitude of people who seemed unconscious of their danger, and without a moment’s warning they would tumble into this awful place. I was above the people on a narrow plank-walk, which wound up toward heaven ; and I was exhorting and pleading with the people to come upon the plank and escape that awful place. Several started. There was.a beautiful bright light above me, and I was encouraging them to follow that light and they would go straight to heaven.
This vision left quite an impression on my mind. When the Spirit of God was striving with me to talk or pray in meeting, I would resist as long as I could. Then this awful vision would rise before me, and I would see souls sinking into eternal woe. The voice of Jesus would whisper, "I am with you; be not afraid." Then I would be on my feet or knees in a moment. I would forget everything but the love of God and dying souls. God seemed to speak through me to the people. But I had so much opposition to contend with. My people were opposed; my husband and daughter fought against it; and my whole nature shrunk from going to stand as a gazing-stock for the people. But the Lord was showing in many ways that I must go and perform the work he had for me to do.
Several ministers whom I had never seen before told me, at different times, that God was calling me to the ministry, and that I would have to go. I said, "If I were a man I would love to work for Jesus." They told me I had a work to do which no man could do; the Lord was calling me to the West to labor for lost souls. I said, "O Lord! I cannot take Willie with me, nor can I leave him behind." Then the Lord saw fit to take him out of the way; so he laid his hand on my darling little boy, and in a few days took him home to heaven. He was the joy of my life. He was nearly seven years old. He was very bright for one of his age-in fact, far beyond his years. He was the pet of the whole neighborhood. He seemed to know when taken sick that he would not get well. He talked of dying and going to see Georgie, who had been dead three years that month. He said he would have to die sometime, and that he would rather go now if we could go with him; that he would never be sick any more, nor have to take any more medicine. He bid us all good-bye and said he was going to be with Jesus. He died very happy. He had talked and fretted much about his little sister, and said he could not live without her. By faith I could see her meeting him at the beautiful gates and welcoming him into the golden city of God. This sad bereavement nearly took my life. The dear Savior was never so near and real to me before. He was by my side and seemed to bear me up in his loving arms. I could say, "The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord."
When alone I missed my darling so much that I wept as though. my heart would break. Then I would always pray; and as I prayed I would forget everything earthly and soar away by faith to the Golden City, and there see my darlings all together shining in glory, and looking at me and saying, "Mamma, do not weep for us, but come this way." I would always end in praising and giving glory to God for taking them to such a happy place. Lizzie, our oldest child, aged sixteen, was all we had left of six sweet children. In all these trials God was preparing me and opening the way for the great battle against the enemy of souls; and now the great desire of my heart was to work for Jesus. I longed to win a star for the Savior's crown. But when I thought of my weakness I shrank from the work. Sometimes when the Spirit of Cod was striving and calling so plainly, I would yield and say "Yes, Lord; I will go." The glory of God came upon me like a cloud, and I seemed to be carried away hundreds of miles and set down in a field of wheat, where the sheaves were falling all around me. I was filled with zeal and power, and felt as if I could stand before the whole world and plead with dying sinners. It seemed to me that I must leave all and go at once. Then Satan would come in like a flood and say, "You would look nice preaching, being a gazing-stock for the people to make sport of. You know you could not do it." Then I would think of my weakness and say, "No; of course I cannot do it." Then I would be in darkness and despair. I wanted to run away from God, or I wished I could die; but when I began to look at the matter in this way, that God knew all about me, and was able and willing to qualify me for the work, I asked him to qualify me.
I want the reader to understand, that at this time I had a good experience, a pure heart, was full of the love of God, but was not qualified for God's work. I knew that I was but a worm. God would have to take a worm to thresh a mountain. Then I asked God to give me the power he gave the Gallilean fishermen— to anoint me for service. I came like a child asking for bread. I looked for it. God did not disappoint me. The power of the Holy Ghost came down as a cloud. It was brighter than the sun. I was covered and wrapped up in it. My body was light as the air. It seemed that heaven came down. I was baptized with the Holy Ghost, and fire, and power which has never left me. Oh, Praise the Lord! There was liquid fire, and the angels were all around in the fire and glory. It is through the Lord Jesus Christ, and by this power that I have stood before hundreds of thousands of men and women, proclaiming the unsearchable riches of Christ.
The Friends wanted me to travel a year with a minister and his wife and work in revivals, and they would pay all expenses. But my husband was not willing for me to go, or to engage in the work any place.